Two years ago I began to face the worst of my depression and I had to deal with it by myself and with no support from anyone because everybody seemed to think a simple psychological treatment would be enough to all my problems. During these last two years I wished to die everyday because everything in my life went wrong and I can’t even get a job because no companies in Brazil want to hire a transgender person. I’m feeling better now, but I don’t know for how long.
Some of you should have seen news about political situation of Brazil. The candidate supported by the majority is a mix of Duterte and Hitler and is widely known by his hate speech against women, black people and LGBT people. Today another trans woman died by the hand of his followers. She is the fifth transgender person murdered since the first round of elections. More than 10 people died after declared their vote on the opposite candidate for the second round. A lot of others suffered physical violence for the same reason.
I wasn’t afraid to die before but now I am. I feel like the military dictatorship is happening again. During those years the army had an operation destined to arrest, kidnap, torture and murder LGBT people. Two weeks ago I saw a recording from TV news of that time where the reporter ask people on the street their opinion about LGBT people and most of them say disgusting things. Nowadays the same is happening. When I walk on the street I see people looking at me with bad intentions as if I shouldn’t have the right to exist. What is happening with these people? Why so much hate?
I feel like now I’m planning to have a future I won’t have the right to live it. I could ask for refuge somewhere transgender people have rights if the worst happens but I don’t even have money to leave the state where I live. As my fear grows I feel like sooner or later I’ll consider about suicide again.
Why is life so unfair?
4 comments
I ask myself why life is so unfair every day.
I have never received an answer.
It just is and it really sucks.
I don’t really like saying this but what type of transgendered person biologically male but identifies as a woman or the other way around I don’t know of you’re current situation but maybe if you could move to a place where transgender people have rights like America or maybe be quiet or closet about being transgender to other people or is it because you dress a certain way? Maybe you should contact someone a family or friend or someone who doesn’t judge you based on your transgender identity or whatever it is called nowadays.
I don’t like telling someone not to be themselves but if you’re life is truly in danger maybe try to pretend to be like them? Not the haters but find a way to blend in plain sight type of deal. Until you have enough money to move away or I am not certain I’m not transgender I’m heterosexual male but I really don’t like the idea of people being killed on such a basis we humans kill each for all legitimate reasons and illegitimate reasons and I would believe in this scenario being killed off of just being who you are is wrong.
Since you don’t have money maybe find a place and tried to get hired somewhere where they don’t have problems with LGTBQ people but I don’t know what to tell you other than I hope life gets better for you.
The problem is: I’m 1.85 meters tall (most of brazilian women are 1.65) and I can’t do a laser facial hair removal right now (what makes my skin look bad). No one in my family would help me because they use their religion to judge everyone who doesn’t fit in a christian traditional family (like the most of brazilians). I would like to go to Canada because the USA doesn’t seem to be a safe place for a transgender person to live nowadays. There are some people that may help me to leave the country but i’m not sure if they can. They are my last hope because I wouldn’t like to pretend to be a cis man. It would make my life so black and white as it was before I began my transition (4 years ago).
Hey, purpleceystal,
Sorry for the shit you have to deal with in Brazil.
I’m Canadian born citizen so I’m not sure how the process for immigration works, but Canada is pretty good to folks in peril. Not sure if you’ve checked into immigration, but this site will help you navigate for information: Canada.ca
Best of luck