I think I seriously need to get off of weed. I first tried it when I was 16 and about since I was 17 I smoke every day (for 2 years now). I tried some “harder” drugs too (alcohol, nicotine, LSD,ketamine,MDMA,cocaine,benzos… ye almost everything except meth and heroin) and I still do some to this day but only occasionally, recreationally to get high on some party and I dont really think its much of a problem. But my weed habit is.
The addiction itself isnt that serious (obviously its just weed..) some regular cigarette smoker would probably have much higher withdrawal symptoms if they quit. I didnt smoke when I was on vacation for a week and I was fine. Also I grow my own weed so I dont need to spend any money on it and sometimes I sell a bit too, so I even make money off of it (if police sees this its only a joke Kappa123).
It is my attitude towards weed that is the problem. I smoke not because I couldnt quit but because I have nothing better to do really. My life is just boring and sad. I smoke mainly to help me with depression but I think I would be better off quitting. I always said to myself that I dont care about the people that regard me as only a stoner or an addict when they themselves drink, smoke cigs, drink caffeine etc… but it has effected me subconsciously anyway. I feel ashamed of being a stoner and thats the main problem. I feel ashamed that I have to self-medicate every day. I started to isolate myself more and more and just smoke at home playing video games. I really have a good time being alone, much better than when around people. I get socially anxious (mainly around girls) and also my depression seems to be worse when Im around people. In school the worst thoughts always go through my head, like Im worthless, Im not good enaugh for anyone and I want to die. Then I just get home, get high and it gets better.
Smoking weed is one of a few things that I enjoy in this shitty life so I dont wanna give it up but I really fking have to. I have to get my shit together but it seems so hard. I am just a weak individual, life in general always seemed hard to me even tho I never had to face any serious problems (like many people here did). Objectively my life was as easy as it gets and Im sure the vast majority people would succeed in life with the same opportunities and experiences that I had. I just seem to fail at everything for some reason. I am just a lazy peace of shit. I wanna just die but I dont really wanna kill myself (yet?).
2 comments
I’m an addict myself (not weed), and recently, I’ve kinda gone cold turkey. It’s been quite unpleasant, because suddenly there’s nothing to numb the pain or obscure the horrifying reality of my situation. Maybe if I could have a do-over, I would have weened myself of the habit gradually. But at the end of the day, I suppose the only hope is trying to build a life you don’t want to block out or escape from.
Ye escapism really sucks but its probably the only pleasure that I know in this life. Thanks for your comment, I hope I will be strong enough to quit or at least reduce my bad habits.