Back in the grips of utter despair and pain

  November 8th, 2018 by eternaldarkness

Well SP, I am back. I was last here about 4 months ago. Not that I haven’t been very depressed since then (for sure I have). But I guess there’s depressed, and then there’s DEPRESSED.

I honestly don’t know how to go forward with my life. My life is utterly broken, as is my health and my spirit and my will to live. I don’t necessarily want to die, but I don’t want to be in this constant horrible pain anymore.

A lot of it is situational. Heck, I would say most peoples’ depression are because their life isn’t going well in some way or they’re stuck in a situation. For me, I have chronic health issues, which prevent me from doing pretty much everything. Every day I feel sick and fatigued. I also have no friends, because well, I can’t really go out and do much. I suppose my health is somewhat better this year than last, but I’ve been sick since 2003 soooo… I’ve been sick a long LONG time. And ofc, I haven’t been able to accomplish anything since then, hence the depression.

Oh, I might lose my low income housing by the end of the month and I have nowhere to do, so hence the panic. I have no friends really. If I have to move, it’s going to be so hard on me physically. I honestly feel like shooting myself dead so I wouldn’t have to pack and move. The last move got me so sick, and I have not recovered (it’s been 4 years). Yes, it’s that bad.

Anyway, hello again my fellow depressed peeps.

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