its so fucking easy to give up and tell myself this stupid future im planning for myself is fucking dumb and unrealistic and that ill never make it in life and that im screwing over people I get close to because im such a difficult person. Like having me in your life will literally add stress. I actually just wanna disappear forever because Im so over the life im living and im out of motivation
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That’s a terrible feeling. The only future I planned for myself was suicide.. waiting waiting waiting for the right time. Real bad place I’m in currently… My date was actually set for August 1, 2012. I missed it so tried again at next spring. Then kept trying, always failing. But I don’t want to fail again, you know?.. it’s just I panic when the time comes but I feel the need to really get it over with. I just wish it were easier…