i’m tired

  November 9th, 2018 by justhope

every night i go to sleep feeling ugly, and a stupid dumb fuck. i can’t cry and that’s pretty much fucked up because i can’t let it go out, i can’t express my feelings, because i don’t know how to… and every time i decide i want to speak up i just can’t, it just doesn’t seem that important. and i’m sick of everybody’s problems and trying to fix them. who’s fixing me and my problems? no one.
and in my head is everything just so fucked up. i just can’t anymore… and then there are the songs that i listen that somehow express what i feel but still it’s not what i feel and i’m angry with myself because i want to express it, even in a song, if it helps, but i’m scared that no one will like it because it’s about me and i don’t want to draw attention to me…
can i just die, please? there’s no point of being alive, it’s just pain and suffering…
my future probably doesn’t exist because i won’t get in the college that i want because i’m not smart enough, even though i’m in top 3 schools in my country right now… really, where’s the point of being alive? i don’t even have a boyfriend, so i pretty much don’t feel loved… i mean, family loves you because they’re family, they have to, but i don’t have anyone who will love me for me…
i’m soooooooooooooooo tired, i can’t continue this anymore…

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