When I came home this evening, I didn’t necessarily WANT to put the belt around my neck. It isn’t really a matter of WANTING or NEEDING to do this. It just didn’t seem to matter anymore. I fell in love with someone I had no business falling in love with.
The realization gave way to PANIC.
The panic gave way to PAIN.
The pain gave way to DESPAIR.
And since February, I’ve been living in various levels of despair. And now, for the first time, I am thinking I could very easily put the belt around my neck, and it wouldn’t matter. I know that my suicide would cause a lot of pain to a lot of people, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to matter. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but it doesn’t seem to matter. Should I just crawl into bed, myself, and hope I feel better tomorrow? Or do I just put the belt around my neck and be done with it? It just doesn’t seem to matter one way or the other.
1 comment
Whatever you decide to do.. I hope you find peace.