Stood up there on the platform. It was windy. Cold. Dreary. But then every day in my city is dreary. It’s a forgotten place. I knew when my train would be coming. It never stops here. It passes through at about 120 miles per hour. I stood on the edge. The sound comes suddenly. And whoosh. It was gone. I was not. One step closer.
14 comments
It’s calming, isn’t it?
Just knowing that it’s possible.
Thoughts of suicide have got me through many a bad night.
Albert Camus
That would be. . . quick.
This has been one of the few methods I’ve had in my locker for the past few years. I’ve imagined the train coming towards me a trillion times. It took me a long time to realise I couldn’t do it. The risk of mistiming my jump and becoming paralyzed is always going to prevent me doing it. With my social phobia and OCD it would be horrific to be trapped in my mind with my body being unable to carry out another suicide attempt. I could be trapped here for the next 30-40 years like that. Plus I really had to face the fact I didn’t have the nuts to do it anyway. To be honest Ive moved on to researching drowning as an alternative. I know that’s not an ideal method, but the 3 or 4 mins down there would eventually pass no matter how much terror or panic there was.
If you’re going to end your life, do have some consideration for those who might be directly affected. Train conductors sometimes get PTSD, it also causes a disruption to their service. Additionally, some people have survived jumping in front of a train and left with badly mangled bodies.
There are other means that are safe, reliable, painless, fast and don’t harm others in the process. Of course, we can’t discuss methods here but you can easily Google this info and find better ways to go.
I think I can safely say as an ex potential train suicidal that the driver and engineer became secondary to my desire to get the hell of here. It”s not that I didn’t consider them, it’s just that I was so desperate sometimes to get out that it became secondary.
Schedule hold up’s? I couldn’t have given a fuck about that. I didn’t even think about that. If I had I’d have probably have thought ” I’m actually heading for my death. So the fact your going to be held up for a few hours is of very small consequence to me” The fact they were gonna be held for an hour going about their buisness was miniscular.
Anyway Ive moved on now to other methods simply because Im scared of paralyzing myself.
Speaking hypothetically what if your body smashed through the window and killed the conductor, would you care then or is your death all about you and fk everyone else. If that’s the case then you’re no better than a suicide-bomber.
You don’t care if the conductor gets PTSD, what if it drives him to commit suicide and he had a family and he was the sole income earner?
What if you delaying the train for a few hours causes someone to miss a job-interview and end up homeless? I had an interview for a big job, I even left an hour early but traffic in my city was so bad and the place was hard to find, I was late and that didn’t impress the person who was hiring and I didn’t get the position.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask to make sure that your suicide doesn’t harm anyone else in the process. I get many people are angry at life and the world but why take your own anger out on the world, on people who did nothing to you?
Oh well I guess it’s a good thing you thought of yourself and didn’t want to be paralyzed…god forbid something bad happens to you right?
I didn’t say I didnt care about the driver or engingeer I said it became secondary to my desire to get out. Very very very very long odds that I would have smashed through the windshield and killed someone or that someone would have commited suicide because of it. Although I realise I would have mentally scarred people. As I said in my other post you seem to assume that there are a countless number of safe, realiable and painless methods, but that aint the case depending on geography.
My uni degree is science related and I can tell you that it is very difficult to predict what can happen, esp at high speeds with different masses involved. Also events that we intuitively think could be rare sometimes turn out to be more common than we realize.
Obviously, I’m not claiming such events will happen in your case, that’s why I said ‘hypothetical.’ As soon as you insert yourself into a system, the odds are no longer zero of them not occurring. Additionally things can happen that could’ve never been predicted.
Yes I agree with you as in your post below, there aren’t many good methods that meet that criteria of safe, reliable, painless, etc…but a few do exist and don’t require a lot of money or rare materials/skills.
Without legalized euthanasia, other means will have some element of risk-some work but can be painful (like drowning), but there is no magic solution here. We have to find something that works and that won’t hurt innocents nor leave a nasty mess for someone else to clean up, preferably.
Anyhow I wish you well whatever path you decide to take.
Also D2D you mention other methods that are “safe, reliable, painless and fast” I can say that I didn’t have many.
I live in the Uk so guns are a non starter. A few tall buildings nearby but none I could get access to. I’d probably botch a hanging because I’m not good with knots and nooses. OD’s and wrist slashing are pointless, carbon monoxode only works on older vehicles, so theres much after that is there? An exit bag maybe but thats about it. It’s why a heavy vehicle was a strong consideration for me.
Yes I agree, there aren’t a lot of great methods (do keep in mind we can’t discuss them, they might delete this thread otherwise).
However there are a few that work, that don’t require drugs like Nem and you can do some research on that. I know of a couple that I’d probably go with that involve ending O2. That’s all I can really say on that.
But yes as people who potentially wish to end our lives, let’s use a way that doesn’t inadvertently affect others, that’s all I was trying to say above.
@woody if you jump from a tall building you might land on someone. They were on their way to confession. They die and go to hell. All because of you. And gravity.
Someone will always have to clean up the mess.