My dad is such a weird person I never knew what to make of him honestly. I think he kinda fked me up but it could very well be just an excuse. I am sure that many people had worse parents and managed to have a normal life.
My dad is really odd tho and I am very similar to him (I fking hate it). I dont know if he has some kind of psychological disorder or what. He is a total religious fanatic (catholic). He believes the old testament bibles view on kids which is basically that your kids are like your property and you can do anything you wish with them and they have to obey you every time. He persuaded me hard into religion when I was a kid but he never really succeeded. He tells me that I used to believe in god and the satan (probably he means my mom) has just overtaken me (and all that kinda BS,he really is crazy). I dont think I ever believed in god I probably just faked it so he would leave me alone. He used to put me in these weird catholic camps with other kids that were like angels. Prayed like 100 times a day and obeyed there parents absolutely. He probably did it coz he wanted to show me how I should behave. I just made fun of these kids for lacking their own fking brains. I always cried before I had to go there.
He used to beat me with his belt sometimes when I was a kid but nothing really brutal. The psychological “abuse” was much worse. Nothing that I did was ever good enough. I dont remember him saying something nice to me ever. The worst part of it is when he is embarrassing himself in public when Im with him. He does that all the time. I really wanna believe that he doesnt do that on purpose but I really doubt it. He was telling me this biblical story of Noah getting wasted and naked in public and his sons felt embarrassed for him and then they were punished for it later. I really believe that he is just giving me a “lecture” and it really is “working” for him. I always feel so ashamed of him and later I feel ashamed for being ashamed of my own father. Also he never let me win when he was playing with me when I was a kid, he always tried his absolute hardest when competing with a 3 year old. I dont know but I feel it may play a role in my non existing self esteem. Jordan Peterson says that it is important to let kids win sometimes.
He is such a fking hypocrite. He always tells everyone whats wrong with them and never looks at himself. He doesnt have any self reflection whatsoever. Its rude to say it but he is such a fkin loser, maybe even greater than me. Honestly I would kill myself if I was in his position (how evil is to say this about your own father I dont know… if all this religious bullcrap is true after all, Im going to hell 4sure). He still lives with his mom in his 50s (he is slowly driving her crazy and I believe it will kill her one day). He has 2 university degrees but still works a minimum wage job at the post office coz he cant stand any authority over him. (I have it the same). He really is just a 13 year old in adults body. (ye just like me but Im fking 19 not 50 years old).
I feel like he is so dependent on me. I hate his fking mindgames. I dont live with him and every time I visit him he just talks all the same shit about how Im useless etc. After that I always say to myself that he is only dragging me down and that I wont see him ever again but then I feel sorry for him and here we go all over again. There are some moments when he is actually normal and that makes it even harder coz I dont really fking know what should I do or what to make of him.
3 comments
Cut off ties with him if he really says those horrible things to you (you being useless, etc.). Remember that toxicity can spread like a virus and sooner or later you will catch the same traits.
Until someone actually proves that it’s true (which is EXTREMELY unlikely) then there is no reason to believe any of the supernatural stuff about religion is true. God, miracles, afterlife, heaven and hell.. It’s all nonsense until it’s backed up with solid evidence.
So, I wouldn’t worry about that stuff. Sorry your dad is like that. My mom was similar. It really did a lot of psychological damage to me.
You really should cut him off. You say you feel sorry for him, I guess that has something to do with the fact that he’s normal sometimes. That’s part of the psychological abuse– being normal sometimes makes it worse. Forget him, you can’t fix him, and he will only hurt you. It’s the best thing to do. What you’ve had to put up with sounds awful and anyone would be F-ed up by having to deal with such a fanatic. Good luck.