I’m what you would call a “high functioning” suicidal person. I’m able to force myself out of bed, get cleaned up, do just enough at work to not get fired, and make it home to my family at the end of the day.
I can feel the end of all this approaching soon. My family cannot see it, as I’m pretty good at hiding my feelings. But I know everything is about to fall apart.
Every day it’s harder and harder for me to perform at work. All I can think about is how much I just want to stop existing. Any day now word will come down from Human Resources that my position has been eliminated.
I’m so depressed it will be nearly impossible for me to find new employment. I’m seriously considering my exit plan to ensure that my family will get my life insurance payout. I have a great company policy, and I’ve had it for many years (I believe it’s a three year minimum for suicide).
Not looking for anyone to talk me out of it, just wanted to put this out there.
3 comments
I’d be classified as high functioning too, tho I live alone.
You ever try not pretending all the time, reaching out? I know different cultures have different approaches to mental health, not all of which are healthy, but it’s a thought. Especially if your company has more than a good life insurance policy, like actual insurance that helps you out now.
Thanks for the reply. I have reached out in the past and been on counseling, medication, etc. I haven’t found anything to date that really helps, hence me wanting to just wrap things up and move on. Right now I just feel like a huge burden on my family. I know that they will be hurt by my decision, but I’m hoping to set up something that allows them to be successful and happy in the long term.
I just hope that your kid(s) is/are old enough. If their father commits suicide while they’re still young, it will scar them, and they might go down the same path. That being said, I don’t know anything about your family, so I can’t really judge.