That somehow the day will come and you will eventually do it.
It doesn’t matter if you’re having a good couple of days or months. Or even years. It always comes back: the urge of ripping your skin out.
Of wanting to cut your wrist and just bleed yourself to death.
Of finally opening up that bottle of Vodka and mix it with all the benzos you’ve been storing.
It will come for all of us. Someday.
We will never be fine until we’re not here anymore.
That’s our fate and I crave for it more than anything else.
13 comments
I plan on completing suicide soon. At this point I have no reason to remain alive and I usually never have other than inability to commit (I’ve felt the desire to commit suicide for at least a decade).. my mind just daftly wanders to what it will be like when committing and pain levels and when I finally go and what it will be like to not be around and miss out on things like the wars, politics. I’m not overly stressed out about those things, more like curiosity… committing suicide is like a chore on my to do list that I keep putting off
If someone or something doesn’t get to me first, that’s how I’m going. I want to see how far I get, but I don’t really want to get to my thirties. Whether or not I’m too much a coward is gonna be unclear until that rolls around. But for me, it’s not at least for a few years, unless I screw everything up. To quote prof. Birch, “There’s a time and a place for everything” lol
Yes completely. And to be honest I would rather die young than get to the stage when I’m no longer just battling depression but also deteriorating physical health and increasing loneliness. I have just turned 30 and about 5 years ago promised myself I’d do it before my thirties but have been too much of a coward so far. And guess what, I hate being 30 and should’ve done it way earlier. I’m out before Xmas whatever it takes… getting drunk or something else. 2018 is my year. I hope it will turn out better for you but I completely understand what you’re saying.
How you’ve been doing lately?
I definitely see myself ending it.
Life just isn’t for me.. That’s been made painfully clear to me over and over again.
Gee. Thanks.
I can relate. I know that I will do it someday and have a feeling that it’s not far. I’m just waiting for my next “mood”. Hopefully no one will be there to take it away from me… again.
I walked with my father through his 4-D stage – Dementia, Diapers, Drooling, Death. Watched him go from an imposing physical specimen who intimidated people, commanded respect, and worked hard his entire life, to a shriveled shadow of what he once was, unable to even recognize me or any of his kids, and I don’t see the attraction in sticking around for that. Society demands we stick around for our Golden Years to enjoy the goodness and wonder to which we are entitled. Fuck society. I like to think I’ll have the ability to exit voluntarily, but who knows.
I feel it every day. The want and need for death.
I know for a fact that 2019 will be my last year. Im just trying to accept that reality now. The only question is how far into 2019 I’ll get. After a berevement a few years I was a dead man walking because it came on top of decades of mental illness. I just want it all to end now, but finally accepting that the time for messing around and putting it off indefinietly has to end is still hard. Plus my method cupboards a bit bare. I’ll drown myself If I have to though. Im gonna get xmas and new year out of the way first, and use this time to finally get my mind right and see if it’s going to allow me to finally accept the inevitable.
Yes I feel it too. That somehow I’m never going to belong anywhere and I ll never feel comfortable and safe because I have this inside voice that urges me to kill myself no matter if I m in a good or a bad situation. I know the way I ll be living this existence is by killing myself, it s been clear for a few years now. I just have no idea when. I really hope it will be not to soon so I can do some good before I die and make up for being a pain in the ass.
Definitely, I’ve screwed up pretty badly, and I know it will only get worse
Thank you all for replying. For a moment there it felt like I wasn’t alone.