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Feel so lonely

by Black Holez

I have no one to talk to here at home. It’s just me and my mom here. Just end this torment already.

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SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/19/2018 - 10:54 am

I don’t know your story you don’t have to post it but I am doing more or less better it is just even with a sense of purpose I still wish someone within the USA in my state just peacefully and painlessly kill me or blast out my brains and heart out of five times out of good measure so I don’t have to continue with life only attempted suicide once I part of me doesn’t want to do that again, yet another part of me wants some way out of the system and out of this body of mine. I don’t consider suicide to be a sin it is a contradiction in life sure selfish, selfless, cowardly, courageous, easy way out, and a challenge out of some form of difficulty because nobody will let us die we either do it ourselves and suffer the consequences I want to die this life wasn’t meant for everyone yet we still for everyone else’s sake.

We have the priveledge to go through the pain, pleasure, and suffering complex of life and struggle to find happiness for ourselves whiles others ruin it based on things we all do as a species just kill us world we don’t care at this moment whether it is legal or illegal just do it peacefully and painlessly there is a way and we know it sure it is scary to die going through the process and whether we are hesitant on such matters but not everyone by choice of “free will” if there is a God, God(s) already know that I rather not exist in this world or the next just Annihilation please don’t send me to heaven or hell for my sins and virtues just sometimes I don’t want to exist.

The good news is I try to keep myself alive for my own and family and friend reasons and try to complete the 16 amount of sessions or more in the case of staying away from alcohol and whatever drugs it is just I still wish death upon myself because the dead don’t suffer like the living do we all know this I don’t think I will ever be truly happy in this world when I’m dead I won’t have to worry about finding happiness or suffer from being human anymore that is just my rant or complexes going out I don’t want to actually tell people how I truly feel because they won’t help me kill myself they just want to profit off of my misery and laugh and ridicule for what I have done rightfully and wrongfully me being dead as an atheist who would believe in God based on evidence not faith it doesn’t really do it for me you be doing the world a favor and getting rid of my existence.

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