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by Teresa's Child

I can make the calculations. I can see the lines. I can predict the future, in 99% of any interaction, any situation, anything really.

But I still make the wrong choices. Always make the naive choices, because I think, “well what if I’m wrong?” Well if I’m wrong, I’d stand so much to gain. But making bad choices because you assume your reasoning might be off is the same thing as gambling.

I can blame most of my regrets on this fact. I’m addicted to gambling on humanity.


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SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/15/2018 - 1:46 pm

Betting on humanity is a choice led mistake to consequences right and or wrong rational or irrational either way however one perceives such things via interpretations through any hypothetical led factual led actuals of our existence how does one live with themselves while trying to be happy with the rest of the species on this planet I just want peace of mind or peace within death not everyone was born by choice some were born due to other people’s circumstances sure my life is good in comparison to someone else and I shouldn’t be complaining but still.

Todamnbad 12/15/2018 - 4:03 pm

Yeah betting on humanity, just look at the supposable leaders of the world. Where the Kardashian are famous for nothing pretty much, Danielle bregoli is now famous because of Dr.Phil. You can tell the world is going to sh*t because of what ppl admire. It’s trash. Nobody acknowleges true talent. Like how did so many sh*t rappers become famous or popular selling sh*t music. Yeah we aren’t evolving, but devovling. People are just more f*ckin stupid than ever. Gen X And Y are to blame(after millenials)

SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/15/2018 - 4:16 pm

Every other generation has to suffer from one another. We have to go through the cycle of pain, pleasure, and suffering until we die or until we or I attempt suicide, in my case maybe a second time if it plays out like last time, or actually commit suicide. Sure we are all good and bad in all truth but we need someone here to just let us die in peace even if we all know that no one here will let us die to how the site and reality works via life the highs and lows of mood swings by which internal and external.

What I truly wonder is what do the Americans such as myself and others not let those with mental illness and back and forth mental wellness let us choose death with dignity I know it is a problematic solution and final solution life gets better and worse how long must we go through this?

a1957 12/15/2018 - 5:19 pm

Good points there. Why the vast majority insists on living is beyond me. Why the vast majority frustrates the departure of any who wish to depart is a further mystery.

SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/15/2018 - 10:22 pm

Poetic I like but now the duloxentine, cymbalta has made me feel dull and no longer my old self but I know myself well enough I am partly still here just feel contained now oh I can hear myself talking to myself internal wise but currently not external wise well not as much I think I will was whispering to myself but hm this feels stable but not empty which might be good however this plays out just feels dull.

a1957 12/15/2018 - 11:56 pm

I have seen the dulling in others who are using meds.

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