I’m at a crossroads. If I’m going to lose it all, might as well go to a monastery and shut myself in instead of killing myself but I don’t want to lose my girlfriend for 13 years who has been with me all this time during the darkest stage in my life. My heart aches because my choice is on the extremes. I want to better myself but that entails losing in the end the one I love. I don’t want to lose her. I want to grow old and be together with her since I was faithful and had no other girl but her in the last 13 years. If there is a God, why does it have to be like this?