I want to share something with you guys.On 19 of december ,which was my litlle sister’s birthday, who is the person I love the most on this earth, I did something that may have a huge impact on my life in the future.I signed a contract with myself (weird huh).
The main part of this “contract” is that I gave myself 1 year worth of time to complete or at least try to complete 6 life-goals .On 19 of December 2019 I will read that contract again and if I haven’t accomplished a single one of those goals , I will spend the rest of december planning to end it before new year and I’ll leave as a note this contract.
I’ve been feeling The effects of this contract since the first day I wrote it.I suddenly felt …released cuz I was finally moving on with a concrete plan ,finally really doing something about my situation.I’m sick of depression ,sick of myself for feeling like dying and because of it ,not really living .So I will for goodness sake just once be tolerant and kind to myself and give a year worth of time to change this .One of my goals is to overcome depression ,if not to atleast not to dwell into it for the rest of my life.
I’ve already started studying even though it’s a holiday and the school is off.I hope this motivation that is coming to me from the desire to not turn that contract into a suicide note will last for as long as the next december .
I really want to change .I really need to .Neither me nor my family cant afford a weak me anymore.
7 comments
I did something similar a while back… I wrote I guess I called it an oath saying I would pledge to commit by, I think it was May 2019. I think I gave myself 2.5 years.
This is a really good idea! I think I would do this myself 😀
My contract was for April of 2016, set on my 22nd birthday. I made it when I was around 16 or so (I do not remember exactly when I made it I just know it was early high school) it was also more of an agreement to not attempt until then, but with sort of an implied I must kill myself on that day. It was a weird day once it finally arrived :/
22 seemed like a good age for some reason.
It’s kind of funny when the date passes. Every day waking up, “Still miserable? Of course.” “Should I still end my life? Of course.” “Is there still no reason to stay alive? You bet there isn’t.” “Will things ever get better? No they will either stay the same or get worse.” “Why did you miss your date? It was an accident. I didn’t intend to or I wouldn’t have set a date.”
Oh well
Mine should be for the next few months, end of 2018 at most. If life is still like this I’m done.
I meant the end of 2019*
Sounds like a good idea. I’s been a long time since I thought of having a goal for myself