I am an irreparably broken person. The residual psychological effects of my traumatic upbringing will never fully subside. Every time I go out in public, my anxieties intensify because I feel like I am being judged by everyone around me. Every rejection I receive, whether subtle or overt, reinforces my feelings of inferiority and worthlessness that were mercilessly drilled into me during my critical formative years. Even though I am no longer subjected to the constant verbal and physical abuse that I received between 6th and 12th grade, I continue to suffer everyday and don’t think I will ever be able to crawl myself out of this bottomless pit of hopelessness and despair. What should have been the best years of my life are now squarely in the rearview mirror, and now all I have to look forward to is regret consuming me on the inside while the aging process takes its toll on the outside.
My life was a colossal mistake that needs to be corrected. The longer I wait, the more anguished I will become. If I had known what my situation would be like today, I would have jumped off that tower when I was 14. There is no reason for me to be alive. None whatsoever. The few people remaining in my life, which decreases every year, will have to live without me.