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Putting a lot of Effort Into This

by Todamnbad

I’m really going to try to kill myself tonight. These last 2 two years, soon 3, have been hell. I always thought i could find a way out. I can’t. The pain just gets worse. The depression gets worse. I became so anti-social. So alone. My thoughts feel insane. Anybody I ever loved left or won’t help me. I wish people cared about me. But in a sick&twisted world. Those are just words. Nobody shows that they care. I was born to lose So I’ll die to win. I never thought that would mean taking my own life to find peace. Can’t win in life, might as well die to win

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7 comments

Black Holez 12/27/2018 - 11:57 pm

I feel the same way, the last two years have been hell for me. Though I’m not suicidal, the thought of living away in some monastery has been popping into my mind lately. I have no future to speak of. Friends have castigated me and turned into my enemies. I have no one to lean on, no social support, nothing. If all else still fails, it’s the monastery or death for me. I frankly can’t live another 30 years of stagnation. I’ve become a recluse and antisocial person like you too because i have no one to talk to outside my immediate family and gf. People who interact with me can tell there’s something off with me.

shatterediris 12/28/2018 - 12:11 am

I do wish you the best with whatever happens.

TheOpenRoad 12/28/2018 - 5:41 am

Hey dude. Please don’t die. I’m more alone than you are, and now that I’ve read this it’ll break me once I’m sure it’s too late. God please don’t be.

SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/28/2018 - 10:32 am

Take me with you, but I only tried an suicide attempt only once I have thought about using trazodone but I don’t think I have enough to die from I tried using Benadryl and I regret it now I don’t think I’ll be able to do it becareful on what you do I can’t save you nor would you want to find peace o would die with you if I could but I know I want to live but also want to die the contradiction is too steep within me.

Cause of Death: Suicide 12/28/2018 - 12:17 pm

You know in reality there’s no one else there at all.

Cause of Death: Suicide 12/28/2018 - 12:25 pm

It’s better to commit. If I was in your shoes I would be very proud of myself. You sound determined and I wish I could be because it’s truly worth it!

Todamnbad 12/29/2018 - 1:30 am

Hey guys, I didn’t think my post would get this much attention. I’m commenting so I’m still alive. This world is so sick and twisted. Not even in the human nature part, but in the nature of things. Mental Illness, Chronic Pain, Losses. Or even yet, losing all hope and ambitions in life. If I felt normal, as in healthy. I would do great things in life. But the chronic pain of my injuries and trauma just haunts me. It never let’s me forget what has happened. I got diagnosed with fibromyalgia last year. People with it are 10x more likely to commit suicide than the average person. It’s unbearable. Its like I’m burning in he’ll and I’m not even there. I didn’t try because I usually try to hang myself, and I back out. Survival instincts. There’s no doubt this world is sick and cruel. But I just got try harder. I can’t even afford help. Let alone work to get help because I’m so sick. That’s why I just want to die. Grant me serenity and tranquility

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