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Sense of purpose

Continuing with alcohol and drug treatment 16 sessions or more depending how it plays out feel a little better don’t have that empty feeling yet I know how my brain and how reality will continue to lead me down the struggling path of suicidal thoughts as they will based on whatever possibility and or probability which may lead to possible suicide attempt again I don’t plan on doing that again but I am smart enough to it is possible still don’t think my life has such a great track record of value and purpose yet within this path I don’t have to feel any problems at this moment I do feel somewhat better.


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PatheticMale 12/19/2018 - 10:50 am

Thats great man! I love to hear that you are feeling at least somewhat better. Recently I feel better too and I also started working on overcoming my addictions. I just need to be aware, observe my thoughts and catch myself when I start thinking in depressing thought loops again. I am not sure if Im actually gonna get better or if this is just some random good mood swing. But I hope. At least I have hope now.

SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/19/2018 - 12:08 pm

I was more or less heading down the path of addiction but my drug habit and other external and internal reasons led me to a sucidal attempt which normally I would never attempt such a thing I always rebound on my own but at that time I felt so bad sure I still have that suicidality issue within myself and the death wish is still there at times but I want to make sure I don’t just give up like when I was high overdose on Benadryl like I did last time.

For me I don’t consider suicide a sin not saying it is a good thing depending on what people are going through in their life right now either boredom or depression wiithin suicidal thoughts which may get the better off me which alcohol was my main drug of choice.

PatheticMale 12/19/2018 - 12:30 pm

I seriously believe alcohol is the most dangerous drug. It is so fking ironical when stuff like psychedelics that are not addictive and could actually even drastically improve peoples lives are demonized just because they have the potential to open ones eyes and meanwhile alcohol and is glorified.

I dont think suicide is a sin either. I generally dont believe in the concept of sins. Good and evil are just matters of perspective after all. I mean yes, there are some really bad fked up people doing really evil fked up things but that is just reality. If there wasnt any bad people and bad things there couldnt be anything good either.

PatheticMale 12/19/2018 - 12:38 pm

I am glad that you are on the way to overcome your addiction. I think that as you progress on that way things could really get better for you, possibly even your suicidal tendencies. I know drugs arent the cause of a problem but rather its quick escape fake solution. I still believe that you can get a lot of confidence from overcoming your addiction and that confidence could be the key to solve your core problems that drove you to addiction in the first place.

SuicidalThoughtsButRefuseToKillMyself 12/19/2018 - 1:33 pm

@patheticmale I do more or less agree with you I never tried psychedelics except for weed because that gave me so many experiences good and bad again the three positives, neutral, and negatives but whatever drugs people choose it is only a mere illusion with how it can be a temporary solution but you have to be careful on such drugs I only tried obviously alcohol, crack, cocaine only a little bit, and weed cigs and vaping and Benadryl for the actual suicide attempt but more or less want to stay away from alcohol because that did lead to so many things I will be saving myself money and myself and family and friends and a decent form of life in wellness not up illness we don’t need any more illnesses I agree with your perspective on good and evil I think and know we probably all do.

PatheticMale 12/19/2018 - 5:48 pm

I think you could try them. They may let you look on everything from completely new perspective. Of course only if you want to, there is no point in forcing it if you dont feel like doing it since the experience would probably not be very pleasant in that scenario.

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