This is hell

Life is a mixture of heaven and hell and the constant pain, and pleasure and suffering of one another or within ourselves for me it is mainly the mental site I shouldn’t complain and constantly post whatever life stories or bullshit or poetic comments on here knowing full well of the nature of our existence for that which we all laugh and ridicule and make fun of but when those moments backfire on all of us due to we reap what we sow type of deal or by some form of natural suffering, yet I am searching for a sense of purpose continuing with my alcohol and drug treatment this world wasn’t meant for everyone some of us have committed suicide while other only attempted suicide once and went to a mental, psych ward, or looney bin whatever you choose to call it sure I did get the professional help that I needed the negative becomes the positive but I still wish secretly and or mentally would want someone to peacefully and painlessly kill me even though I don’t really want to say that to anyone else within my life due to the other secrets of those who find our pain and suffering amusing and laugh and ridicule us somewhere away from us so we don’t have to deal with that bullshit.

I do not know all the circumstances of what leads others to a real dedication to suicide mental or whatever else I just want peace in life or at least when life life expires which I wish I knew how I was going to die either by my own actions of choices of mistakes of consequences or by the people who are willing to let me die in peace not in fear or panic or regret but some form of unity within nature of this world and universe or multiverse or God(s) whatever you believe in I know hypothetically there is probably someone out there that would be willing to do such things but we seems to be so distance from one another which is understandable within ethics, morals, and legal standards yet nonetheless those of us here posting whatever stories truth or mixture of whatever we won’t ever be able to find the peace we want unless we continue to live or until someone assisted suicide and euthanize and mercy kills us when we are ready or if I am struck by some terminal illness or severe mental illness how will I die I don’t know I just want to know when, where, who, what, why, and how stay safe folks.