I’m torn between staying with my gf of 13 years versus going to a monastery to become a monk and leaving the worries and ways of the world. Obviously, I think having structure in my life would do wonders for me as I’m a recluse at home with an almost hikikomori-like lifestyle. All I do at the house is wake up, stare at the walls or on my computer screen all day surfing the web, then only going outside to fetch my gf or talk to my neighbor who isn’t even there always as he works outside the city. I’ve got nothing going for me and the next best thing would be to probably become a monk and enter church service.
Better serve the remainder of my existence serving God than waste away at home doing nothing but that would also entail leaving the one last thread holding my sanity. I would have to leave everything behind if I decide to become a monk. I don’t know what to do. It’s eating at my heart, soul and mind.