I’m incapable of making decisions. From what I’m going to do with my life, down to what title I should give this post. I feel like baby, on my back, on the floor, waving my arms and crying because I can’t do anything else. I’m supposed to be a grown up adult by now. I’m supposed to be able to just live my life independently, and decide on whatever needs decision making.
But for some reason I’m incapable of doing that. I’m stuck at being scared of the consequences of anything I would do that has any kind of importance.
What if this isn’t a good job ? What if I had looked up in that area instead ? What if, what if ? Which also means I simply can’t get my shit together and commit suicide. What if that was the wrong decision ? What if life was worth living if I actually gave it a shot ?
But I can’t get any answer about all that (apart from the post’s title. Yay.). So I just continue rotting like the idiot I am.
Anyway, I wouldn’t want to just waste people’s time with this post, so here is some music, maybe it can help pass the time a bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBToMwdYBME
(I don’t know anything about the game, but Youtube recommended me its OST)
3 comments
I face similar issues of indecision. The simplest decision is agonizingly difficult to make, weighing the pros and cons and all the possible outcomes, trying to envision every single detail of every outcome and trying to pick the one that contains only the results with which I’ll be able to cope. It’s fucking absurd. I hear/read that this is common for victims of extreme trauma. Yeah – I think growing up with my parents and being a hyper sensitive person qualifies me as a trauma victim.
I have no advice, other than the standard self help advice one can find anywhere, which is to simply make a decision, and deal with the results. I’ve had better luck following that advice when it involved something “work” related, but as for my personal life, it’s not that simple. It’s maddening to deal with. I share your frustration.
Well, I’m far from being a trauma victim…
I’m not really looking for advice, I was just at my lowest today when I posted that, and wanted to get it out maybe. I don’t know.
Yeah. I hear you, and I get it.