Hey, I want to tell you something….
There’s a sort of balance, twisted and beautiful to this whole death puzzle we’re working on.
It comes back to society. Someone around here asked “Why does society make it so hard for people who want to to die to die?”
It’s been itching at me, like a phantom limb. Why would it? What’s the motivation?
In therapy that’s evidence finding. It’s how I deal with paranoia, because things that don’t make sense always have a motivation if not a rational reason. The sick man hurts others because he’s sick, wants attention. That’s easy enough to understand, right?
What if the culprit here is civilization? I don’t mean society, that’s the easy answer. Anyone can see that we’ve all been betrayed by our culture, left here to figure our own way out. I mean that there is a force that brings order into chaos, a force that puts wild men into suits and hats and gives them factory jobs (back when there were jobs in factories, in my country those jobs have been replaced by the service industry.) It’s a violent and violating act.
Depression, death, it’s all an act of rebellion. There’s no nobility in it, because it’s a savage rebellion. It’s the ape beating at it’s cage, wanting out. I want out…. smart as I am, tamed as I am, I want out like I’ve never wanted anything else.
I just wonder if there’s anyone at the controls, for lack of a better metaphor, of this runaway train we call a society. Paranoia would indicate that there is an intelligence at the controls, but that may be a beneficial illusion. In reality, what if there are no controls? What if we’re all on this ride together, careening madly around sharp curves, dancing with destruction?
My life is pretty good, it should be enough. That’s the message everyone sends. Most of the time, most days it is. The problem is when it isn’t I go back to thinking about the cage. I go back to thinking about how badly I want out. Even if there’s no warden, there are guards to my prison. I just have to figure out whatever structure keeps the guards making their rounds and take it out. See, that’s why I get better. I don’t actually buy into a better life, life is what I make of it and I’m good at making something out of it. But I can destroy whomever or whatever is causing me to be trapped. Not killing them, of course. Death is kind, a release. I plan to put them in a cage. Because if there IS someone at the controls, a human that is, they’re a sick individual. That person needs some empathy. That person needs to know what THIS feels like.
I’ll make it happen, or someone like me.
2 comments
“Why does society make it so hard for people who want to to die to die?” Good question. I have seen the post you are talking about and have been thinking bout it too. There are actually many reasons if you rly think about it. Some are strictly logical like: The society doesnt want you to kill yourself because it has invested a lot of resources into you and doesnt want it to go to waste because the society wants to ensure its survival. Thats a really solid logical reason but I personally believe its mainly out of fear. People are really afraid of merely the thought that someone may hate this life,society, world and everything so much he would take his own life.
Its really deep philosophical question and I am not really sure what my opinion on this is. I want to believe that your life is only yours and you can do whatever you want to do with it and I would support euthanasia. But on the other hand your life probably isnt only yours since you influence so much other people around you without even realizing it.
I still think that the fear of death is very overexaggerated to the point where its unhealthy in todays western society, most likely coz this society is ran completely by the ego and the ego fears death the most.
Like for example with very old people that are mentally and physically struggling so much or people with some terminal painful disease. Why you cant just let em die? Its fking gross in my opinion to just extend their suffering with medication.
I dont know any better expression for “society” but I can think of a good analogy. I would compare it to like a functioning human body. The cells are kinda alive on their own, if you took them out and fed them they would continue on living separately for quite some time. But despite having their own individual form of being the cells also form groups that have different meaning than the sum of it parts. Like organs and organs make human (the whole society) which has a different purpose than its individual organs too. Also the society (human brain) can control and shape its cells and organs in some way but not completely and not every individual cell. Also the individual cells could never know what the brain (society) is up to. And they could never even grasp the concept of the body as a whole.
Damn I have kinda lost myself in that rambling. I hope it makes at least some sense 😀
You two make great points right now I don’t have that same suicidal thoughts at this moment but I know even with cymbalta I will sure I just think my life is at close to its end despite knowing full well it isn’t you can say that it is still why I live and why I also know that deep down yes I may be afraid to die only during the survival panic stage when first attempting on Benadryl while knowing now since I am out of mental hospital in my state close to my apartment I still think about dying and wanting my life to end since I don’t think I’ll be happy within our society or civilization I think our people in the USA fear the idea of some of us depending on our experiences and or existence within our state of mind that some of us do want to die within some form of painless death we have the resources but we guilt shame people out of it which seems more selfish to me to keep those of us alive when the longer we live the more we want to die I don’t know the whole life story from an all knowing perspective but I sure as wish I did so I could know all of humanities intention mine is live for either happiness or simply hope someone finds me and peacefully and painlessly kill me we have the means to and ends and Vice versa but we don’t want to suffer the consequences of the actions let me die. Let us all die at some point people who have that power.