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by Mac-10toSchool

Double posting. Sorry.

It’s apparent to me that the way I view the world is drastically different from others, so much so that the way I interact with others hurts them. There’s no malicious intent behind my words, and yet, some say it’s “emotionally manipulative”, or “oversharing”. Something about empathetic pain. These are concepts and words that I cant seem to put any meaning to. I must’ve missed something about social skills somewhere along the line. So many people are upset and put-off by my interactions with them, and I dont at all understand why. Anyway, this hurts because (A) I HATE the idea that I’m hurting others without meaning to, and (B) I have excruciating internal pain that I dont feel comfortable expressing because I’m afraid of hurting others. So, It’s getting bottled-up instead. The isolation has been driving me crazy I think, and I mean that literally. I’ve been having odd daydreams containing dark and often biological imagery (although, this could be from Adderall use too). I’m so sad I can actually feel it in my body, like, physically. I’m just not okay.

I’m not one of those depressed people who wallow and do nothing about it to help myself. However, I think this lack of social skills is so deep that my lack of connections with others, and the corresponding distress that comes with it, is making life impossible anyway. At least it seems like that. I’ll try to get some help and improve things. but FUCK does this hurt!

I hope it’s okay to post this here. I also hope I havent hurt any of you by doing so. If I have, I sincerely apologize. I truly, honestly dont mean to.

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7 comments

PatheticMale 1/9/2019 - 5:13 pm

You have nothing to apologize here for. I can relate, I also kinda lack social skills so I act like a loud obnoxious kid sometimes to cover it up and that causes a lot of people to hate me. But I think these days a lot of people are oversensitive as fck so it is really hard to tell whether it is your fault. I would suggest you focus on breaking your addiction coz that can give you so much confidence, which is crucial to social skills. Maybe trying psychedelics could help (both addiction and social problems) if you feel like it but be cautious, it can fk you up if you already have some mental problems to begin with or if you dont do it with respect.

Once 1/9/2019 - 5:38 pm

Your explanation of this issue is very precise and intricate, well worded. I’ve gotten so used to this same issue in my life that I’ve pared it down to “I just don’t make connections with humans.” Yes, it is frustrating and difficult to understand. I almost wish I could conduct a test and begin interacting with someone and after a week or two receive a summary of exactly what they experienced, etc. Until that occurs, like you, I “will just not be able to make connections with humans.”

TickleBits 1/9/2019 - 5:54 pm

Exactly! It’s like trying to talk to someone with a thick accent; There’s communication, but hardly any understanding from either side. Normal for them isnt the same as normal for people like you and me. There are different “rules” you might say.

Once 1/9/2019 - 6:55 pm

I’m sorry, I’m just not understanding you. . .

Sorry. Couldn’t resist. 😛

At least my cats and I connect.

TickleBits 1/9/2019 - 8:10 pm

lol, thank you! You made me smile

outofsight 1/9/2019 - 8:28 pm

FWIW, you two seem to have connected with each other more than I have ever connected with anybody, whether online or offline.

I have never clicked with anyone. I might as well belong to a different species altogether.

Once 1/9/2019 - 8:49 pm

It’s weird, hard to explain. And yet others make it look so simple. I don’t know.

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