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by Mac-10toSchool

I didnt have a father figure growing up. I had a Dad, but he wasnt a father. He was more interested in womanizing and food. My mother was a lot like the people here; very sad all the time, hurt herself a lot, wanted to die.

I’m my own responsibility, and I understand that. At the same time, I wonder how this effected the way I turned out?

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n.retro_waver 1/19/2019 - 5:47 am

I often wonder about the same thing. I also had a dad, but our relationship was never good. He was extremely abusive but thankfully out a lot. When he was in the house I’d be terrified all the time since I could get beaten for anything at all. But I guess better me than my younger siblings.
I did have a grandfather who I was close to, but it just wasn’t the same.
My friends (former friends we drifted after school then they moved on, got married etc..) who had great dads always had this overwhelming (in my eyes) confidence to go and do stuff since, I guess they knew that they always had someone to back them up.
They had an easier time at school, didn’t get bullied at all (or as much) especially if their dads all knew each other.
They never had a tough time getting to know the girls from other schools.
Everytime there was some trouble their dads would be able to help fix it.
So not having that, I kinda floundered about, a lot. Small messes turned into medium then big messes. I never really developed as much confidence as the other guys because I never felt I had anyone to have my back.
Heck even in college I was sitting there wondering how the heck do these other guys have all the answers where I could be reading the textbook cover to cover and still not know what to do?
I think that maybe IF I had an ok dad, I wouldn’t be so messed up, that I wouldn’t have made so many mistakes or bad decisions.
On the other hand, I might have ended up like one of those jock-bullies who I always dream of vaporizing with a mega-laser before I stomp the school to rubble in my giant robot.

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