I woke up and cried basically every tear I had just to feel even worse. I m sorry to bother you guys or maybe I’m just saying I m sorry because I need your sympathy to keep whining as if it is my only way to stay alive. I ve been on SP for a few years now and I know something is wrong with me. I ve read a lot of posts with people having BPD and what they described looked a lot like what I have. Never being enough always feeling like my friends will end up hating me and leave me, having litteraly 20 mood swings a day, self harm, being paranoid about what people think of me, don’t need to be a genius to figure this out. I just feel so bad and ashamed of it. I truly hoped I “only” had depression because depression can be cured and is supposed to be temporary. I m probably going to feel this way all my life and be a burden all my life. Maybe it is best for everyone if this life is not long
7 comments
I would go to a mental health professional to make sure that BPD is what you’re experiencing. It’s a very severe mental illness, and not something you should self-diagnose. At the same time, even if it turns out that you do have BPD, know that you arent a bad person for having it. DBT can help with it a lot. It’s a lifelong condition, but it’s also a condition that can be managed.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
Mac summed it up well, do see a professional if you can.
Also, there’s no need to feel sorry for venting or having the emotions you do, we all have experiences in life that make us upset. The key is to find ways of better handling your emotions. It’s easy to say but I find if I can put things in perspective, then I can reduce the intensity of the feelings.
There are serious problems I’m dealing with in my life right now and I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix them, but it won’t happen overnight and I have to work through them just like anything else.
I’ve had depression and I think it took me about two years to overcome. And I had smaller bouts over the years at different times but it was rare. What worked for me was to stay in a routine, eat and sleep on time even if you don’t want to and eventually you’ll get back in a regular rhythm. I recall I had bad anxiety too and I could barely sleep.
I think we all worry about our friends disliking and eventually leaving us. But if you have loyal friends then they’ll put up with all your imperfections just as you do with theirs. Most problems between friends I find tend to be over misunderstandings.
There are cases where some fake “friends” decide they don’t like you and let you know in indirect ways and sometimes direct. The key is to spot those signs early and drop that individual otherwise they can spoil your other relationships also. And if they leave you then they weren’t really your true friend to begin with.
Just because someone doesn’t like you doesn’t mean you’re the bad person, maybe they’re jealous of you or is just a rotten lowlife. Think of people like that like you would the trolls you see on sites like Youtube, they’re not worth your time. I wish you all the best and like Mac I also hope that you feel better soon.
DBT does help a lot with things like that (still have no idea what my actual problem is, I asked to not be told…. I don’t need another nice label to wear.) It at least helped me not be randomly angry at my friends and ruining friendships over things that I now realize are quite small, and not intentional on their part. -_-
Hey. Post here as much as you like. And yeah maybe you can see a health professional. RE friends, its very rare to have real, true genuine friends. In my experience, anyway.
If it helps at all I’ve done a lot of reading on BPD and am working on getting a therapist which seems like more work then one would think. All because I believe that us my problem. I have hulicinations and major mood swing (mania and I forgot what the other was called but basically happy and sad) I can go from everyone hates me and I might as well die to the complete opposite and think life is wonderful all within a matter of minutes. It’s hell and annoying. But basically sums up what I’ve read. And until I can get a therapist I’m trying different OTCs hoping something helps. I hope that helped you.
Of course everyone you meet thinks you are handsome, interesting, and charming. If they aren’t thinking that then they probably have a virus in their cecum!
I agree with several of the others that it’s best to get the diagnosis from someone who has the training to understand BPD. My best friend and roommate has been diagnosed and I can’t say that knowing about it helped. It’s something that keeps coming up in my education in psychology that personality disorders are horribly understood by most people. Up until a few years ago there were a lot of issues of misdiagnosis.
DBT seems to work with BPD. It’s mostly because BPD sufferers suffer from cognitive distortions and DBT helps challenge that. It’s also another variation of action based therapy like CBT which is one of the most effective treatments for depression.
Keep trying stuff until something works. I used to think that I would only ever like very cognitive therapies but my last therapist surprised me by using empathetic and more emotion based therapy to great effect. Recovery is a journey, and every step towards health is a step in the right direction. It’s positive that you’re looking for help, it means you’re ready to change your life for the better.
Thank you for sharing and reaching out.