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Companionship

by Black Holez

Who among here is in need of companionship bad? I don’t know why but this feeling is building up inside me after I lost all my friends and having no one to turn to. I don’t know what to do with my situation aside from turning to the monastery and becoming a monk. I reckon from there I will get what I’m looking for, a brotherhood of sorts and having companions that I can talk to. The only downside to this is leaving my gf of 13 years, which is sort of unfair for her since she’s waited this long only for me to leave her behind. But if I have to get better, I will have to do it because it’s driving me crazy as to what my situation is. I don’t have a job, I don’t have any friends and I’m already 33 years old. I have nothing going for me. Rather than waiting just to die and rot, I’d rather spend the remaining days of my life in a monastery.

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Soda 1/7/2019 - 11:59 pm

33 is still young enough to do accomplish a lot. I’ve come close to losing my current set of friends before. Fortunately, I have some backups but I don’t tolerate insolence from anyone in my life, including family but my relationships with them are generally more enduring and resilient than non-relatives.

If your so-called friends insult you with malicious intent, not as in ‘ribbing you’ but to be demeaning/hurtful, then they aren’t your friend but your enemy who is out to harm you, your reputation/status. Or they simply can’t hide the hatred and contempt they have for you.

I’ve become such a good judge of character that now I can read even subtle signals and behaviors that people do and I know what they really mean when they say or do something. Frankly, it’s also because I’ve been around some rotten people that you can recognize those sorts of signs.

What’s funny is that when I was younger I used to be pretty naive, caring and supportive of others because that’s my nature. Perhaps some people mistook my kind, generous nature as a sign of weakness or inferiority. Whatever the case, I toughened up a lot and became a lot more careful about who I let into my inner circle.

I veered a bit off track but my point was that if you were around toxic people, they were never your friends, to begin with. Yes sometimes we have to swallow our pride and put up with individuals who grind our gears but if you can afford to dump the bad people out of your life it’s worth it. In some cases, you have no choice but to get rid of them.

Even with my current set of friends, there are one or two people who don’t think much of me nor I of them and I won’t hesitate to put them in their place if start something or even eject them from my life if it came to it. What I am proud of is that one of them did try to disparage me a while back and I came back twice as hard, he learned his lesson and hasn’t crossed that line with me since then. Also, he knows he can get thrown out of our group as his buddy was, so he’s been more careful this time.

So yes it’s in our nature to be social creatures and have people in our lives. Wouldn’t it be great if we had a dozen or so friends who all go along, never make personal insults or attacks, were there for you when you needed them? Why can’t all people be like this? Instead, they’re obnoxious, back-stabbing, hurtful, selfish and treat their relationships recklessly. I can only control myself so if other people can’t do the same then there’s nothing I can do about it but to react to their bad behavior.

I’ve known a lot of people over the years, most of them just drifted away, moved for work and so on. In the future I plan to make new friends, initially they’ll be shallow relationships but over time if we’re compatible they should become better friends. This way I won’t have to rely on my current group which, although we have a long history, I won’t be too upset if I lost them.

I think you crave companionship but you won’t find it in a monastery because they are people who prefer solitude. In some cases, they haven’t spoken to anyone for years. It’s good that you have a girlfriend but I’d suggest widening your circle of relations. It seems to me that you’re a social person like myself so you need to have some good friends in your life you can hang out with.

The good news is that there are other people in our situation out there. We just have to find them. Same goes for lonely quality women. They’re alone because they won’t settle for less and I’m the same way too. That’s why they make good partners, I really like choosy people like myself because they have high standards and usually treat others well also.

Black Holez 1/8/2019 - 6:13 am

The monastery I plan to join doesn’t have a vow of silence. What they are is a community if sorts and is structured in such a way that is like community living. Monks have to work with their hands, can talk at set amount of times and basically have communal living. I think it will do wonders for me. The hurdle of course is my gf of 13 years and the abbey i plan to join if they accept me. If they accept me then i won’t have any second thoughts – I’ll join in a heartbeat

Soda 1/8/2019 - 1:05 pm

Fair enough, then you clearly know what the right course is for you. Hopefully your gf is ok with your decision to live as a monk.

Soda 1/8/2019 - 12:03 am

Oh yay, another one of my posts containing nothing offensive is flagged for moderation and it’ll probably take a whole day for it to be approved (assuming it is), like the last time.

sdasdfdasds 1/8/2019 - 7:51 pm

You can always make new friends. They tend to come and go. But a companion of 13 years is more unique, many people will never have someone like that. I don’t think it is wise to throw that away if you still love each other.

Black Holez 1/8/2019 - 8:02 pm

It’s hard to in my situation. I’ve got no one to introduce me to other people. I’m already 33 years old and yet i still have no job, no friends and no family that is close. I can’t imagine living like this for another year. I have to do this or it’s suicide for me.

sdasdfdasds 1/8/2019 - 8:09 pm

Well I don’t pretend to know your situation. I guess I just wish I had someone close too.

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/8/2019 - 8:47 pm

I think he mentioned in an older comment or post that he’s tried to make friends but it didn’t work out

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/8/2019 - 8:49 pm

Just go to the monastery already. What have you got to lose? Well if it were me in this situation i’d hang onto the gf of 13 years. But still, it seems like that isn’t really going anywhere anyway.

PatheticMale 1/9/2019 - 8:15 am

Friends are overrated… Most of em are fake anyway. I have friends but they dont respect me. Im just a clown for them. And then when you are in some serious situation and really need em they just make some excuse. Sure not everyone is like that. But you would need to be super lucky to find someone that actually genuinely cares. I would never trade long term loving intimate relationship for the promise of finding friends that probably wont care anyway, that will just need some company and they dont care who it is.
But its your life, your choice. I dont want to put your decision down. If you think it would be the best for you go for it. everyone is different.

I would suggest you pop some acid and then think about your situation and the decision. It could show you posibilities you would never even think of. It can show you your situation from outside of your head perspective. Sure can achieve that with meditation too probably. But that takes a lot more discipline and willpower.

Anyway. I hope you decide the right way and you will find some fufillment in a monastery or your relationship or anything else. wish you luck man.

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