Anxiety is a monster and so is depression. It’s bad to have one and it’s horrible to have both. There’s a line from a song called Klonopin by ‘Nothing, nowhere’ and he says “And I don’t deserve this Seems like the only time I can feel anything is when I’m nervous’. Being nervous is okay but anxiety is the devil. Some can relate most probably cannot.
Life makes me realize that circumstances are too conveniently setup to just be random. I don’t believe in luck but I do when it’s convenient. I’ve seen some lucky people, people who just have it so good you gotta wonder. Does this prove life has meaning? Guess not. But here’s what I do realize. There’s a standing theme in every religion that defines a “God”, and that is that He is omniscient (Knowing past, present and future). That means he must already know who He’s gonna kill or spare. That give me some semblance of normality, allowing to accept what I am.
That if I’ve tried my darn-est and gone to the ends of my mind to make this work, and it doesn’t. It was never meant to work then. I can live life being the failure society defines me as because that’s where I’m supposed to be. Like CM PUNK once said to the Rock “Your arms are too short to box with God”. I can’t fight where I’m placed, granted I do have choice to keep trying. But I’d rather keep insanity where it belongs, in the world not in my head. Afterall, insanity is doing the same thing over, expecting a different result.
#Thoughts_of_gentleman_giant
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I don’t think there’s any ‘supposed’ about it. It may be that a supreme being intended every single individual to be exactly as they are (from Hitler to Ghandi), as part of some divine screenplay. But it seems to me just as likely that someone programmed the basic physical laws and then wandered off to get a coke from the vending machine, allowing it all to play out on it’s own. Or that there was no act of creation involved at all, and reality has simply been unfolding endlessly, with no ultimate beginning.
Regardless, what will be will be. You will continue to act based upon the interaction of your brain with your environment. Your mind will continue to formulate beliefs to explain these interactions. You will invest effort where your brain deems it is worthwhile, and give up when it not longer appears worthwhile.
You can struggle to better your place in society, and it’s likely that some level of improvement is theoretically possible. But the decision to do so will be based upon whether your brain judges it a worthwhile investment of energy.
So what will be will be. But your brain will play a key role in what will be for you. It’s not so much destiny as cause and effect. You never know what internal change, or external influence, will set you off in a completely different direction. Hopefully at some point you can enjoy the ride.