It seems ever since I lost my closest friends, it’s like something has been taken away from me that makes me like a functional human being. Compounded with this is the fact that I was bullied out of work and no justice was done that led to my depression. To my girlfriend of 14 years, I’m sorry that I’m unable to provide you what you want. I’m a failed human being whose emotions are being torn inside because of the loss of people that were important to him. This is why I think the monastery route is for me. At least I can be of service to God and live life of a celibate (though I’m no virgin) confined in the monastery instead of wasting away without any prospects or future.