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I wish I was dead

by shatterediris

I can’t even identify why either…. I just feel worse than ever lately, I can’t even write or do anything that I used to even like.

I find myself wondering if I should drink or start experimenting with drugs or anything. It might help, what I’m doing now won’t work…. And I’m lazy so I can’t ever do anything productive.

I’ve been sleeping a lot and crying a lot. My dreams have been horrid too, I wish I could gain the mental fortitude to just swallow my razor whenever I chew on it…. Or maybe if I’m lucky it’ll just accidentally happen…. But I know that’ll never happen I’m a tiny little *****.

I’m also lonely for some reason too, I have friends still but I just feel like I’m becoming more distant with them and soon it’ll turn into just speaking to them once per week, then once every other week, then maybe monthly, then eventually just never. It’s just how things go.

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4 comments

princessmousy<:3)~ 1/4/2019 - 5:50 am

re drugs and drinking, may or may not work. i guess it depends on the kind of drugs too. could just send you into a further downward spiral.
swallowing a razor…. that just sounds like such a painful thing to do I just don’t wanna think about it :O…. (I’m kinda squeamish)

shatterediris 1/4/2019 - 5:53 am

I’m squeamish about some things but very not so about that sort of thing…. Needles are kind of where my squeamishness starts….
I have no idea what drugs would do, and they are just expensive and I don’t want to start needing to spend money that I don’t have. :/ But it could maybe help me feel a bit better for awhile, and honestly I guess I wouldn’t live long enough to run out of money either, I’d likely die with-in the decade if I really got into things. -_-

noanswers_onlychoices 1/5/2019 - 2:17 am

I’ve never tried drugs except for weed a couple of times when I was young (I hated it), but addiction will make you want to live just for the next high. To me, that would be worse than being dead, it’d be a zombie existence. I’d rather be relatively clear-headed until the time came for me to depart this world.

shatterediris 1/5/2019 - 11:23 am

I mean at least I’d want to be alive then.

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