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low

by miszion

today I feel the lowest I have in a while. today self injury crossed my mind for the first time in over a year. I craved the feeling of the razor on my skin and the blood dripping down my legs. instead, I left work early and treated myself. now I’m sitting in my bed, half stoned, having buyers remorse and feeling incredibly apathetic. I don’t really care about anything, I don’t care if anyone cares about me, and I wouldn’t care if I just sat here staring at the wall all night. all I truly want to do is sleep, but I’ve barely been able to do that these past couple of weeks. I am so tired. I think about all of the things I would change about myself if I could. I look up surgeons nearby for breast reductions, face lifts, and more. I can’t afford these things but I fantasize about being able to, so I might possibly not mind my body. I watch makeup tutorials, even though I don’t wear makeup, thinking that if I started I might want to leave the house more. I think about how I might not get very far in life. that I may end up alone. I get suspicious of my friends, for no reason. I just burnt my mouth real bad on my coffee. I feel so discouraged.

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princessmousy<:3)~ 1/27/2019 - 10:46 pm

I’m really sorry @miszion. I wish I could give a real life hug

Counting Down 1/29/2019 - 9:40 am

Focus on the little things. At least you got a bed, can take a hot shower, can eat when and what you want. You get stuck on wishing you were rich or wishing you were somebody else. Fuck that noise, get up and do something, anything, you’ll feel a littke bit better. Try and do a little more tomorrow than ya did today. Just keep it going. Eventually you might have the misfortune of getting everything you want.

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