Living with mental illness is so hard. I’ve been depressed since I was a kid. Nothing seems to work. Anxiety has taken over my life. I’m paralyzed by it. I can’t seem to accomplish anything. I am scarred by years of self harm. Part of me wants out. But I can’t help feeling that there is something good out there. Is there any hope? Can anyone relate?
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There’s something better out there, that is evidenced by functional people. They hold it together for whatever reason.
I relate. It’s been in and out of depression and anxiety for 12 years… and before that it was a roller coaster of treatments for ADHD and other issues. Somewhere in between there were some years of full functioning, where it appeared I could hold it together forever. Forever is an illusion though, like perfection.
All I’m holding onto is rationality, but sometimes rationality isn’t the safe haven I need it to be.
There can be something good, if you want there to be. But it will never be as good as you hoped because like me, you will always be afraid of losing it. I almost had everything I thought I wanted, but my anxiety ruined me and my hate consumed me.
The best thing you can do is go on a journey to find what you dream of, because what is left besides that will consume you until you finally realize that the only logical thing is to take your won life. I hope you make the better choice.
Rationality. I like that. It makes sense. I am actually doing okay now (for me). It’s anxiety that’s got a hold of me now. I feel overwhelmed by daily life. I envy those who hold it together!
I’m trying to learn to accept my fate. Dreams and aspirations that will never come to fruition. . . oh well. So, that leaves whatever left – a life of second best options. For me, it’s no longer about a permanent cure. I believe there isn’t one, for anyone. There is only management, and shifting life’s focus to new goals and priorities, all of which are less shiny and less appealing. It’s the difference between shopping at a big commercial mall, and a flea market. Between eating at a four star restaurant, and packing a lunch.
There’s hope, it just looks much different than I expected it to.