It’s been a few months I ve faced weird and unknown pain in my chest, arm and neck. Sometimes my heart beats way to fast, sometimes it just does whatever. Yesterday I just wanted to vomit and I almost choke to death in front of my friends but finally managed to calm down. I ve had panic attacks all my life but this feels very different…with a way bigger capacity to be actually lethal. And I don’t know how to feel about it. Part of me is shit scared because it actually wants to live, and another is like:meh I promised to live through 2019 but if I die of a heart attack then it is life having another joke, and a way more acceptable way to take off than suicide
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Hi sorry to hear you’re having problems. I was diagnosed with a heart condition and prescribed meds. I’m doing way better. Heart is stable. Not racing even when I’m just sitting still. Nothing wrong with going to the doctor and seeing what could help. Peace ; )
I kind of enjoy the stigma associated with suicide. Although you know a lot of people see it as bad, some people reacted with shock, some it makes them sad because they see it like sadness overtook the person. Otherwise I like it because I feel I am in charge, you commit and you don’t have to be a victim to the system or just another chesspiece on the board of some rigged game. For me, it’s like all systems go, throw caution to wind. I have nothing I need to stay alive for so I take it at my own pace and when I want to commit I will on my own terms.