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Not even severly depressed / just a rational decision

by Gary555

If I had one person who was a support system who would invite me to a different part of the country I might pick up and try and start again but I don’t have that. Even if I won the lottery I don’t know if I’d want to stay. I would probably buy a house on a lake but in time even that would fade. Some lives don’t turn out the way you thought and mine is one of them.

I’ve been doing this for decades. A fairly young good looking guy who has this karmic curse where I can’t find a woman. I don’t want to get married but I don’t want to be alone everyday. I’ve simply made the decision that I want to experience life outside of this restrictive 3D environment. I believe people survive physical death and I want to be free of this body.

I believe in a God, just not the judgmental fire and brimstone one. I don’t know why the Universe hasn’t helped me and I can’t help myself. Like I said, some type of karma that I seem to be paying off but after 5 and a half decades I’m calling the debt paid in full. I believe the Universe is teeming with life and there has to be better environments to exit in than this one. There’s no other way of saying it. I need to be free.

I don’t know why God/law of attraction hasn’t helped me but I haven’t received help. My support systems have left me and I can’t seem to help myself. At this point all the fun has gone out of it and I just want to be free. I believe we get answers on the other side and I’m expecting God to say something like “You really stuck it out considering. I think I would have left earlier myself.”

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all done 1/15/2019 - 3:15 am

“You really stuck it out considering. I think I would have left earlier myself.”

That’s exactly what I would expect to hear also. Except I don’t believe in a conscious god, at least not one that communicates with us.

To me, if there’s 1 suicide in the world, it means either a) god failed, b) god doesn’t intervene in our lives, or c) there is no god. All 3 are pretty bleak and I don’t suppose any explanation offers any comfort. So I just float through existence knowing that the truth is bleak, whatever it is.

But one way or another I agree that some of us stick it out way too long. It’s not like there’s a prize for suffering through a full 80 year life, in fact its the opposite. We are fools for waiting to be saved r find companionship when it’s clear that it gets harder every year to find someone who gives a damn.

Gary555 1/15/2019 - 9:51 am

Yeah the thing about us sticking it out too long. I reasoned that everyone is going to die anyway. If we lived virtually forever or even to a thousand years it would be a much different choice. We’d be cutting off the major part of our lives. Also if you have a wife or kids that would suffer that would be another major consideration. But I don’t have any of that. It’s almost like life set me up in this situation where I’m free enough that it’s saying “If you want to go, go.”

My view’s on God are a little different. I admit I can’t understand why he doesn’t intervene, There’s a saying God helps those who help themselves. I thought I Was helping myself. I thought this world was about cause and effect. That if you initiate a cause it’s supposed to produce an effect. Well I have initiated causes but the effect doesn’t show up. I’ve seen it happen in people’s career. They do everything they can do and by “coincidence” someone shows up in their life and helps them get to the next level. That’s never happened for me.

As for God, I think it’s just more complicated. I think we’re cut off down here from 90% of our spiritual knowledge and we’re running around in the dark and have to make choices with the limited amount of knowledge we have. It looks like this world is in chaos and most things happen for absolutely no reason. I believe though when we’re free of this physical environment all that knowledge becomes available again and we can understand why things happen that we couldn’t understand while being literally trapped in this 3D environment.

Fat lot of good that will do me because I’ll have to leave this environment to get those answers. That’s part of what is pulling me to leave. I want those answers. I don’t want to be scrounging around here for another 40 years experiencing the same s.hit. Obviously people can succeed in this environment. Plenty of people have become wildly successful and it looks like those people had forms of support. I’ve basically gone down that same road and the support has never come for me. I’m not jealous of anyone for their success. I just don’t understand why they received support along the way and I didn’t, even though I followed a similar path.

If there is a God, he knows I could have found success in a matter of weeks and I’m way past the point of trying to figure this out. It’s almost like he’s saying, “For reasons you don’t know, you’re on your own. I can see this hasn’t worked so why don’t you change environments.” It’s funny that there would be a God who is basically saying “I know your ship has sailed and you’re sitting in a port where no ships are scheduled to come through so why don’t you just switch environments already.” A God that in effect is saying “In your situation I can see why you want to leave.” He’s referring to suicide but he doesn’t use that term.

Believe me, I know countless people have it worse than me and that’s not the issue. Countless people have it better than me and that’s not the issue either. The issue is I couldn’t figure out how to make this freaking life work and I don’t see any support coming in to help me. The few support systems I had have left me. I don’t think I’m running away from anything or leaving out of fear. I’m just honest to God sick of waiting for things and doing things that never seem to make the things I want happen.

all done 1/15/2019 - 11:16 pm

You said so many things that resonate with me. The physical world is supposedly about action/reaction… so why do some of us get trapped in a state of action without any results? It’s not like we’re waiting for a handout, it’s like we’ve done everything we can think to do but none of it ever seemed to matter.

So the logical result is like you said, to “switch environments” because this one is like trying to sprint through quicksand.

I wish I had your faith in a benevolent god whether or not anything comes of it. At best, my belief is in a god who is powerless to help us. For example suppose you love cats but you can’t take in any more strays because you’re flat broke. So some cats will have to starve in the streets and get run over by cars. Maybe that’s how some of us are in this grand scheme. It’s not that god is ignoring us, it’s just that god can’t get to all of us.

And if that’s true, even remotely, then it makes perfect sense that suicide is our only option, and in some higher plane of existence it will be understood that we did the best we could, but it was time for us to get out.

What you said about living 1000 years vs wrapping up our short lifespan is so true. I think it’s fair to say when you pass the halfway point, you have a pretty clear idea of what remains ahead. If the road ahead is dark and hopeless and leading to a very real dead end, then what’s the point in trying? But now, if we had a few more centuries of possibilities, then you’re right it would be a completely different choice.

I think that’s why I hate teen suicide even though I’m fully in favor of middle-age & later suicide. It’s not that I think we’re any smarter, and it’s not that I’m downplaying the issues that teenagers face. It’s simply a numbers thing… teenagers have many more years to figuring things out, whereas older adults have had their shot and now we’re winding down.

Well I’m sorry if I’m just making things worse and steering you toward suicide, but all I can do is agree with you. After a certain point it doesn’t get any better. Now if I could just work up the guts, I’d be off to a new world. The possibility of escaping this 3D prison is the only good feeling I can muster these days. And even if the afterlife is nonexistence, hell anything is better than sitting here slowly dying.

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