So, last Monday and Tuesday I really wanted to die, not just the profound desire to end it I almost always have but never really put through action, but I was already thinking about all the arrangements and going through my suicide protocol. I didn’t do my thing though, and I seeked the help of my friends. Well, I didn’t, my body did. It made me unable to do anything on my own so I am forced to ask for help. My body reacts to my suicide wish by depriving me of some of my basic functions such as walking and speaking. So yeah I collapsed, it is currently hard for me to walk , when I m speaking my words don’t come or I say like cheese instead of chocolate and embarass myself because I don’t make any sense. Did this happen to anyone ?
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well I don’t know but seems u have anxiety or panic attack.
in my occasion,sometimes my half body is numb for like 5 second and I can’t talk , my mouth is wide open and i’m like suffocated.i’ve been like this for like 4or 5 years
I don’t know about my own illness though.. but I diagnosed myself as panic attack.it really ruin my life,career,and obviously embarrased myself
I’ve been suicidal for a very very very long time. I would act on it if I had the materials/means. What I mean is I had planned for some 6 years to shoot myself on my 18th birthday (but I ended up not having the money) my daily objective is get the f*ck out of here. I’m not even depressed, I just want to kill myself so I don’t have to live the same day over and over and share the planet with tards. As far as I know everyone is getting stupider, but I never cared about any of them to begin with. I’ve always had a terrible life. This might sound retarded but I have all these dreams (I’m a lesbian) that men take my body and start giving me in and out, or they show me their genitalia or I am touching their genitalia. Of course I hate male because I think they are all nasty perverts. And I definitely am anti-reproduction, just because you can doesn’t mean you should, human life is meaningless and holds no value, and YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL. With every newborn baby the planet becomes a worse place. Anyhow, once I had a dream I was running from some fucking dude and then he caught me and stuck his d*ck in me…. anyhow, like you, I haven’t been able to walk since that day it’s been about a year and 4 months. The only time I walked after that is to a cliff about 13 miles from here that I was going to jump off. I couldn’t jump off the cliff so I never walked again. But I just ignore that sh*t. It’s disgusting and wrong but I don’t think about anything other than finally succeeding with suicide anyhow. It’s been 7 years since my 18th birthday, and I spend every day thinking about how I need to finish up and kill myself.
That right there is your crutch (your excuse) to keep living. You speak of your body in the third person as though it acts separately from you, when in reality you are your body. Your desire not to do it isn’t coming from your body, your body would do anything you want as long as you said it clearly. So if you really want it to end, you need to learn resolve. Channel every thought into one box and lock it, so you are not distracted by swimming ocean of reasons not to.
Your body is just a lump of mass and biodegradable material, and you are the governing factory. Here’s the tip on a successful suicide, you need to make a habit out of it. How? Take yourself to edge everytime you think about doing, for example; stand on a cliff, or put a noose around your head, or put that gun to your head or put those pills in your hand. Sit there and think what is keeping you from taking the last step. ONE DAY, trust me and that day will come, the reasons won’t matter and your habit of being at the edge will give you peace to go through it.
NOW THAT IS SAID, DON’T TRY THAT. I don’t want you to die, I don’t know you but I know what is more is to keep living. There are somethings you don’t want to find out through suicide (Heaven or Hell or REincarnation) all these can’t be proven wrong or right and that gap alone should make you wonder. Wait… just wait. It may not get better but at least you fulfilled the reality of you, which is existence.
It could be psychosomatic. Or, if you’ve experienced trauma, it could be a false-self acting on autopilot. If you have BPD, it could be a manifestation of a fear of rejection by doing something that would cause others concern. It could be a lot of things.
What you’re describing sounds like dissociation though, sort of like when you’re driving somewhere and you end up at your destination without remembering the drive, because it was done on muscle memory.
I’ve heard of doing things without knowing until you’ve done them. (I call them mind blanks),. I haven’t really heard of what you went through though. Its like your body is telling you that you shouldn’t suicide? I don’t know, I just woke up.
A recent (non suicidal) event caused me to be sick for a few days, I’m sure it wasn’t some coincidence.