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School Shooter

by Mac-10toSchool

I am one of those people who fantasize about going into my college lecture room with a few MAC-10’s and slaying them all with a haze of bullets. I’m aware of what’s inside me. There’s this black pit inside where I’m able to stuff my empathy, and it makes me able to do things that other’s cant.

The first time I acted upon it, I felt so powerful! It was like no one could possibly do anything to me, invincibility! and yet, when that faded away, I felt so horrible and disgusted with myself over what I had done, and the person I had hurt, that I put myself into therapy.

Here’s the thing though. Everyone talks about “If only this person had gotten the help they needed instead of going on a killing spree.” Well, they dont make help very available either. I’m able to get 1 hour a week, for $160. 1 hour, out of 168 hours a week, is NOT ENOUGH and the treatment is too expensive! Especially when the remaining 167 hours are spent fighting what’s inside of me, worrying about how my interactions are hurting others, about how fucked I am inside my head, knowing that, and still not being able to do enough about it!

Dont get me wrong. I’m responsible for my own actions, and if I decide to go through with it, it will ultimately be my own fault. and yet, there are parts of me that knows it’s not my fault either. Sites like this help me Express the inner hurricane brewing within my heart.

I wish I could have a longer, more intensive therapy that I could afford. I know that’s what I need, and I also know I’ll never get it.

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forensic 1/10/2019 - 10:32 pm

“If only this person had gotten the help they needed instead of going on a killing spree.”

No, I never hear that. Whenever there’s a school shooter, everyone just says What a fukcing loser. Strongly suggest you avoid being one.

TickleBits 1/10/2019 - 11:18 pm

I fucking hate you. Every. last. part of you. Fuck you.

TickleBits 1/10/2019 - 11:22 pm

I dont mind being a loser as long as I can cause people like you to die with me. I hate I! Provoke and push buttons. I came on here for help and you only want to piss me off instead! This is EXACTLY why! FUCK YOU! I HATE people like you. But hell, the best thing is I dont have to do anything to you. From the sound of things, youd probably just do the job yourself anyway.

Teresa's Child 1/10/2019 - 11:43 pm

Objectively speaking, I’ve actually never heard someone call a school shooter a loser before. Imagine someone saying, “man that guy was such a loser. Killed 10 poor innocent people…jesus. L O S E R.” Yeah, that doesn’t exactly sound accurate.

Pretty sure you’re just someone trying to antagonize the OP. Which you succeeded in doing, so congrats.

TickleBits 1/11/2019 - 12:05 am

This is exactly what I’m talking about! You come clean and be honest and it gets shoved right the fuck back in your face. I know I’m sick, and I’ll even admit to being narcissistic. And ever since I became aware of my own narcissism and antisocial tendencies, I’ve been very sensitive to trying my best to change that. But then people like Forensic come along and show no empathy whatsoever. Maybe I’m not very empathetic myself, but still. People dont care enough. They expect you to function and behave as they are themselves, without any consideration of things that could get in the way of that. The mentally sick are tossed aside and dejected, and instead of allowing us a path to grow and be where they are, they’d rather put us down! FUCK THAT! It’s an INJUSTICE! People like that are far more insidious than I’ll ever be! They have no idea. I’m trying the “good” way, but they dont seem to care or want to listen.

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