Cutting again is a bad choice.
I remember the time I hid a pocket knife in my sleeve and went to a bathroom stall.
There, I cut myself…again and again and again on the same spot.
Bleeding was quite severe. The bandage was soon socked with blood.
And the bandage wasn’t enough, so I used my watch to somehow put pressure on the wound.
Somehow, that fact made my extremely happy. Euphoric, even.
I guess I was really sick at that time. So mentally ill to be pleased at the fact that I cut too deep.
What happened next?
The bleeding stopped.
And my wrist smelled of bandage for months.
Because I’m just an young adult, the scars have faded.
But how can I suppress my urge to start harming myself again when I’m so scarred inside?
2 comments
True. Sometimes our reason for self-harm is to feel the physical pain rather than the emotional pain. Sometimes it’s to put marks on our body to see how many times or how long we are suffering. For now, self-harming is the biggest comfort I can give to myself. People tell you to not do self-harm but they don’t get it at all because they don’t feel this.
I do this. Not quite like you. Still, it feels glorious, and makes me breathless, which is about the most fucked up sentence I’ve written this week.