Absence of love

  February 10th, 2019 by Once

I can’t imagine what it is like to feel love for a human. I can think of noone that I could or would ever love. Not family, not friends, noone. Absolutely noone.

Sociopath? Is this what I am?

We toss around sayings like “You only have one family!”, and “Blood is thicker than water!”, yet I would have absolutely no problem walking away from my family and never speaking to them again. I’m single, no children, big surprise there. I’ve learned love from animals, and can’t imagine a human being who is worthy of that kind of intense emotion.

My mother was an irrelevant figure in my life. Consequently, I see no use for a female partner now as a grown man. I’ve been in many relationships, and only felt miserable and trapped in every single one.

My dad was distant and aloof. The best advice he ever gave me was “Brush your scalp twice a day and you’ll never lose your hair.” Seriously. That was his best offering to me.

Genetically, my folks gave me a lot. I won’t get into the details, but they were good people, and they passed along quite a bit, but in terms of being role models who instilled in me the ability to feel loved, or to feel love, they proved incapable. No doubt they simply passed along what they experienced, so to be angry at them is pointless.

I will never have children, which is the best gift I could ever give them.

Love.

Love for a human being.

What??? Why??? What a waste of time and energy. How do you even begin??

Chuckle.

 

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