So today I started my detox from over 2 years of daily smoking weed. Even this first day was (still is but Im over the worst today I think…) horrible. When I came home I was just doing nothing for hours but thinking whether I should relapse or not. At one point I even loaded my bong but I ended up resisting and not taking the hit.
My goal is to be able to last a week at least but I keep asking myself what is the point of it when after a week I will just return to my old habits again… I really dont know if I will be able to get off of weed entirely,I really fking love it so much… But at the same time I dont think I would be able to control myself and smoke only on weekends for example coz it would just gradually come back to daily use.
I have done all sorts of hard drugs but never got addicted to anything but weed (I find that really strange). It is probably coz weed is like safe in disguise. Like if I would do meth everyday the damage would be quite obvious so I would be forced to either quit or I would probably become homeless or die but with weed the damage is not that apparent immediately so it kinda tricks you into thinking its harmless.
Weed just gives me this false sense of purpose, everyday in school I just look forward to come home and get high. It just gives me this comfy feeling almost like it turns my brains off for a while and I am able to lay back, stop thinking about everything and just live in the current moment. Also it makes me comfortable with being alone all the time. You could almost say it makes me anti-social. I feel like weed is largely contributing to my social anxiety (that is probably the main reason why I wanna quit).
I have been wanting to quit for a long time now (probably ever since I started smoking daily) but everyday its just tomorrow I quit… tomorrow… And that has really demolished my already low self esteem which makes it even harder to quit and its just full blown addiction now at this point.
DISCLAIMER: By any means I dont want to hate on weed. Its just a plant after all. The problem is clearly in me not the weed. I really think to some (or even most) people weed is harmless or even beneficial but I think it is clear by now that I am not one of those people.
PS. I am sorry for using up so much space on this site. I just really needed to document this somewhere because otherwise I would 100% relapse. If I told nobody I would just be cheating on myself which would be too easy. Like this it puts more pressure on me coz if I would relapse I would feel like Im cheating on you guys too. I love you all so much please dont kill urselves 🙁
10 comments
Yeah, I hear you with this. I have been snoking weed since I was 14 and now I’m 26… so 12 years. Weed kind of numbs me, the daily usage is an issue. Like you say, to some this is an amazing drug but if you are lacking in purpose and hope then… it becomes addictive to be suspended in that comforting space where no one can touch you, but you also want for nothing.
It’s an addiction that is comparable to any drug, only thing is it won’t kill you. Try cutting down usage, so like small amounts every night is the best I can do and I still find myself wanting to smoke more. Sometimes assessing what your thoughts are when youu crave it is a good way to understanding what is driving the psychological addiction. Maybe?
Cutting down doesnt really work for me because once I get high I just dont care anymore and say to myself that today I smoked already so it doesnt matter how much I smoke today and I will start tomorrow (yea not really). It really would be easier if I didnt have so much weed in my house, cant throw it away tho :D. I think it is safe to say that the lack of purpose and social bonds is causing my addiction but like every addiction it only makes these things worse, almost like its solving a problem that its creating.
They say to break a habit you need to replace it. Find something else to occupy your time with. Usually this is where you’d do one of your hobbies
Thanks, thats a very good advise. I spend all my time playing League of legends (high) so now I will just try to play sober I guess. I have no other hobbies atm. I play the clarinet and saxophone but I just now decided to quit coz I never kinda even liked it so I feel like its a waste of time. I also started smoking cigarettes like crazy to substitute for weed. I know thats not a good way since cigs can be even more addictive but I feel like for me they are better alternative (at least as a temporary substitute) because I never really liked them too much. If I smoke too much I get nauseous and sick which never happens with weed.
Hey, you can do it. I am trying to quit cigarettes, the first days are hard, but you gotta stay strong and occupy your time with another healthy habit. I know meditation may sound dumb, but really helped me with my anxiety and urge to smoke again. Good luck! Don’t give up!
Hey all
From a 61 year old stonner I can tell you that after a few weeks you start to not think of it. The world revolves differently in from of your face…..hmmm, or was that the rush from that last hit. The world is different when not high. Woooaaa dude……im stoned. Yep, hard to walk away from. My only solace. Smoke a doob and find a snack. But, for us old farts the normal doobs is no longer good for the lungs so now we have advanced to vape. Great balls of fire….get stoned and miss it…..hah. Yep…stoned of my ass and laughing all the way to fartsville. Have fun ya’ll.
I smoked weed daily for 5 years. Weed really helped me a lot I felt great while smoking marijuana. I was going to kill myself on my 18th birthday but then I tried marijuana and it gave me something to do instead, kind of putting it off until I felt real bad again. I still wanted to kill myself but if I had my weed (you’d know I’d be ok) but I’d get mad because I couldn’t figure out how to commit… I always felt the only way for me to commit would be by gunshot to head and I couldn’t afford a gun because I couldn’t get employed..but as long as I had my weed I’d be ‘ok’. I felt happiness (maybe the only and first time I could ever feel happiness) until I came off weed, everyone was the enemy I’ve never felt worse in my life (but of course I wouldn’t give two shits about them high or sober) I heard smoking crack is better than ganja, but that was just in a Sublime song on the 40 oz album. I have a hard time believing it though because I like weed and crackheads are eh, idk? Maybe just not the drug for me.. I don’t even think I’d enjoy the high. But I’d probably never try either.
I’m glad you’re documenting it. I am addicted to several things, and I still miss the snug numbness of antipsychotics.
Maybe being off weed will allow you to do things you couldn’t when you were on it. At least I hope so. Maybe that could make up for missing the drug. I dunno.
Update: Day 2 still holding on. It is really much easier than yesterday. I dont feel withdrawl symptoms, just strong desire to smoke. I slept for only like 2 hours but in school I felt like I had so much energy, more then ever before. I talked to people like crazy (I usually dont talk much). I hope the cravings will stop soon but this energy remains.