holes

There is the place that I used to long for her, here was the place my heart swelled with ownership

Was I young? Was I stupid? How could I have given away my heart to her….

Here is where I found out who you were. There is where I said goodbye. I somehow knew I would still be hurting long after you moved on.

Here’s where I met someone new, here’s where I risked it again. Over there is where I buried my hopes of being entirely someone’s, my romantic ideals, and my desire to love someone more than myself.

Now I sit a ghost of the man I was. A monster, cobbled together from the pieces they discarded. I tried to make someone to love, but in the end the only one that loves this mess is me, well maybe God wherever he’s gone.

There is where I dreamed the dream. At this desk I made a plan. I hoped beyond hope that the impossible could still happen….

Water down the stream, time has slipped away. I stand above and try to sift through and find who I used to be.

I don’t recognize the man in the mirror, he looks so tired, used up.

Somehow the organs keep working, heart pumping, mind analyzing. The transformation continues, into someone I won’t recognize tomorrow.

Someday maybe these wounds will close. The holes filled with something or someone else.