life has been so hard for me lately with losing my baby and dealing with work and home life is just stressful i try and stay positive for my sisters to show them i’m okay but deep down i just want to take a knife and end my misery but ive raised my two sisters since i was 10 ive watched them grow up i held them when they were sick or cried over a scraped knee i always bath them make sure they eat always having them dressed warm so they dont get cold i do everything a mother is to do for her children but yet i didn’t have them and yet im mothering them im 19 years old and i feel trapped because all my life i was told oh you can’t do this you can’t do that or do it again or your worthless and i believe every word and at this moment i’m done because i have a life and i cant live it an it’s upsetting i haven’t posted in while because i thought i was fine and i thought i could handle it when in reality i cry every night asking what i did to deserve this pain this abuse my dad and his girlfriend put me through every damn day they always ask whats going on and i’m like it’s nothing because i know it wont do no good they have always used me for money like ligit they owe me over $500 and before you judge me for doing that the thing is if i wouldn’t have done that my family and i would be on the streets and freezing so i do try my best to provide for my family and might as well say my children y 4 year old always calls me mom and it’s like baby-girl im not mom but what am i to tell her her mom isn’t good and wont really raise you or let it go im just done and really want to end my life because my depression is so bad i just cant do this anymore
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I am sorry that you have to deal with all of this… I really know what pain it is to have abusive dad… I just wanna say that It is really admirable to be responsible like this and care for your family when you are just 19 years old. I mean like really fking admirable. I am fking 19 years old and I still feel like a child myself. I could never be as strong as you are, I lack responsibility. I mean even staying off of weed for a week seems like an impossible challenge for me… I cant manage to take care of myself properly I cant even imagine that I would have to take care of someone else, let alone a child. I just want you to know that what you are doing is truly amazing and meaningful and your sisters will one day thank you for everything you did for them.
I try everyday to deal the way i deal but its like my parents dont even know i had a miscarriage let alone would they care no they wouldn’t ive always been the one whos their for my family i take the bullshit but yet when it comes to me at my lowest its like why not be there for me i mean losing my child its hurting me really bad i was told i was to stressed dealing with a lot in my life that no 19 year old should deal with my doctor told me that in order for me to have children i should get away because im considered high risk i sat there and cried and i felt like so horrible because i lost my little one because of my crazy family like dammit
Tough to have to live life with people that hate you/ don’t care about you/ constantly abuse you. They are supposed to be your parents (and you sound like you want to look up to them and have them be your heroes) yet they don’t give a rats ass that you want to commit suicide? It’s why I don’t have parents and I keep no one close to me, they don’t need to see you when the bullets in your head. I know there’s worse things to see though. It’s why I’ve spent every moment of my life alone. But me, oh, i don’t matter, I’m just waiting for the day I take my life.
The little ones will grow. Things will change things will get better. The little ones won’t always be so little they will someday become your pillars. You have matured in ways some never get to experience wear it with pride.