I HAVE to end my life soon

I have been on this site off and on for nearly a decade. I’m tired of being permasuicideal. I know in the next 18 months I’m going to finally blow my head off my shoulders. I’m so sick of explaining my situation under different screennames I’m not going to detail my situation. I’m just screaming here so I dont cut myself. I hate all of the anxiety I face I hate being too ugly for a woman in the most promiscuous era of human history. I’m fractured im old and I’m fucking tired of everything.