my mother is emotional abusive

so I been living in new York all my life in the city its been I believe 4 years now I haven’t lived with my mother, I lived with my aunt and grandmother this year I decided to move in with my mom for the rest of this school year .so I can graduate early but believe me I i hate it here and she has threatened me to live with her when I visit her ill cry for days because I cant leave a life away like that, I was depressed for the first year I tried killing myself twice last year but I failed because I was scared, meaning I have death anxiety. now that im with my mother I have been in school for two days I am 17 and I missed one day and she took my phone only source I have left tbh so I can entertain myself since I don’t know anyone or know how to get around she took it I cried only cuz i have no actual friends to text now im isolated. anyways omw to school today for the past 3 years i been useless not going to be anything said if i die she wont really cry she has beaten me when i was younger with bruises but i really don’t know what im doing wrong i left ny to start new i myself decided to leave i don’t go out at allll she says i will be nothing in life everytime she finds a reason to argue everytime she says that i just believe it. no matter how hard i try to succeed she makes my life impossible and i just cry not cause im sad but anger of what i get tempted to do and now i don’t know what to do with myself she never believes now she makes me think im actually a liar have to question myself, im lonely and all i can do is cry the anger away but i don’t want this anymore i cant run away cuz this is nothing like ny and i wouldn’t know where to go i hate her i just feel like a worthless female.