I used to took them when i was having regular panic attacks. Really miss how it feels. I usually took them before bed and when the dose was strong enough, i got this unbelievable peaceful feeling. I miss it so much. Without it i feel like somebody has stashed some ice under my heart and i will soon suffocate from the coldness.
Gonna try to persuade the doctor to prescribe me some next time i go to do my drug shopping.
I am torned between longing life and loathing it, most of the time i accept the idea that someday i am gonna commit suicide, but in those good days, like today, i think i will do it a couple of years later. But that is a beautiful and stupid illusion. Soon the darkness will resurface and engulf me whole, and i will desperately want to commit suicide again. Then, after a few days of self harming and frantically looking for help, the survival instinct finnaly kicks in(more like breaks out of cage), and i will be functional again. Again and again. This is my life cycle now. Until the cons outweigh the pros and i do it or die from less direct suicidal way. Natural causes will be a blessing.
No matter how death comes, i hope it will be a easy one with just enough time to put my mind in peace.
6 comments
I like drugs too 🙂 . I would suggest you be very very careful with benzos. Benzo addiction is one of the worst. If you dont really need them to function (judging by you said when I WAS having panic attacks…) better not take em at all. Really not good recreational drugs. But who am I to tell. I love abusing drugs too and I dont give a damn. But ye benzos are one of the worst to abuse so please be careful. Or perhaps find some other drugs that you enjoy.
wow you really got me to think about the addiction thing. I am trying to take more drugs and smoke less, but i guess i will have to stick with cigarettes until i find something less dangerous than benzo. Thanks about the information! It may just change my life a little. Less addiction. May i ask what do you usually take?
No problem man. Im glad I made u think about it. I mean benzos are one of the few drugs (along with alcohol, strange isnt it?) Where you can die soly from withdrawl and thats not smth you wanna fk with. People say that benzo withdrawls are worse then heroin and thats rly something (and its probably true although its subjective, but you could not die from heroin withdrawl). Ye i have done a lot of research about drugs coz I tried a lot of em out of curiosity
My main drug of choice is weed. You could laugh and say its not a real drug and for some people that may be the case but for me it is. It numbs my emotion and I know I am addicted to it. I tried a detox not too long ago, I posted about it here. Managed four days. Wanna try again next week perhaps.. other than that I have been smoking weed daily for over 2 years. Besides weed I sometimes do ecstasy or cocaine when I go out and party. (I am sofar not addicted to these and I think I can manage it under control). I also did alot of psychedelics, I tried all kinds of them but mainly LSD. But I dont consider psychedelics as drugs. For some people they can function that way for sure but not for me. The experience is just way too long and intense I could not take them often and I couls never get addicted. Had my last LSD trip this summer and it was so nuts I havent taken it since (I had a large dose af and reality started to break a bit 😀 I think for a lot of people (especially with depression) psychedelics could be very helpful and beneficial but you need to be careful and respect them. They are not toys and they can fk you up. I would suggest a trip in nature (alone or with one or 2 very close friends) is the ideal setting. But you also need to have some (empty) place that you can go if you feel like being inside. But I personally always feel trapped when trippin inside. But you still need that option to retreat to some safeplace when things go wrong. Jesus sorry this wasnt intended to be a brag about psychedelics 😀
wow thanks for sharing your experience and ideas on drugs and psychedelics!
Oh I almost forgot to mention my biggest addiction and that is League of legends (PC game) 4114 hours (171 full time days) spent on that. Jesus Christ
You are a legend mate