Showing up for a night

I just wanted to write something.

Let off my thoughts.   I grew up without  a father and had to learn my place as a male in society.  It took me a lot of failures to get anywhere beyond my starting point.

I guess it was easier for me to say I don’t belong, or to let go whenever I didn’t solve my problems

with the time passing, I’ve learned to accept more and more responsibility for my actions and, much more, for my dealing with struggles.

I had few traumatic events along my life, that left me to feel alone, and perhaps alienated from other social beings.

I had also few amazing experiences that I barely count on and remember.

Sometimes I think retrospective that this are my life, and I should keep on making the best out of it.  Some other days I just want to lay down and feel sorry for myself, or cry a little.

Maybe one day I will accept the fact that life are a wave, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down.

Eventually, I hope to keep walking toward my goals, get hold of my greater dreams, and keep progressing.

I have left few friends away from me in the last months.  I took a step to finish some unhealthy friendships, and conquer new healthy ones.

I have pushed myself to start talking with girls and being more manly.  I have proved myself I also can succeed.

I hope good days will get among us and that we will grow better and better.  I hope I will find the power to succeed my final exams.

I think I need to learn more how to appreciate what I have, and make the best out of opportunities.

I’m easily hurt by others, and extremely motivated (which is good)  but for the wrong reasons (like when people doubt me).

Maybe with the time passing by, and me growing up, I’ll learn how to deal better with life, and how to find a healthy motivation.

I wish you all well,

stay strong be brave,

Jac.