Therapy isn’t going to work again.

I can tell in my therapist eyes she’s realizing what I already knew before I walked in. That I’m beyond saving. I hear it in her voice that she doesn’t think she can help. Its still early I haven’t had the time to talk about everything. What happens when we get to the real heavy stuff? I have to escape this pain soon. I have to kill myself. There is no escaping the ever present pain.  None at all. Hopefully I can finally have a heart attack and die. Prevent the trouble involved with suiciding.