Im fked up. I got super wasted. Was doing Alcohol nicotine caffein and weed in excesive ammounts all night and day. Im on this trip with my friends from my class and for some reason I just need to get fked up.
I hate group settings. Like everyone is so nice to you when talking one on one but then in front of other people they happily riddicule you to boost their own social status. And then my social anxiety just kicks in. Even tho I know its basic human behavior drived by evolution it just makes me so sad.
I have set up a date not too long ago (first one in years or practically ever to be honest) with a nice girl I met in a pub last week. And I naturally feel anxious about it all the time since. Now I kinda ruined it with super drunk messages. Its coz I wanted to ruin it. I wanted to ruin it coz Im too scared. Thats so sad. Even if I will go IDK if I can manage it really. I am so fking anxious. I have these weird dreams about it and I cant sleep well. If I will go I will try to steal xanax from my grandma and maybe then I wont literally shit my pants at least. I doubt that it will work tho. I am starting to enterntain the thought of canceling the date. Im afraid that if I wont be able to control my anxiety and it will fail then my self esteem will get shattered but if I cancel it it will be even worse. Idk what to do. Also I havent slept all night and I feel like throwing up but Im in a public bus. Big OOF.
1 comment
I say give it a shot.
I’ve always wanted to do every single thing you just mentioned your on. All together like you did. Ahah I bet you feel it in you veins.
But let me tell you something. That high feeling you feel. You’ll feel it naturally when you meet the right person. Or when you’re around the right people. I like being alone for those reasons you mentioned. People like to step on other people just for their social statuses. It’s so fucked up I’d rather be alone. But give it a shot at this date. See how she makes you feel. Does she make you feel judged? Relaxed? 50x more anxious? When you’re with the right people/person you won’t need all these drugs and stuff. Hang in there. Sending love.