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God Forgive Me

by Todamnbad

I have always felt unworthy of living. As I don’t deserve my life because I don’t know how to live. Hardly anyone accepts me. It is hard to make friends. Hard to find a good job. Hard to survive. I’m tired of being frustrated. I have tried ending it but could not. But its okay to try to live. To keep trying to change your life little steps at a time, trying to change your toxic and self destructive habits. I hate myself. But i’m going to make a attempt to live

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ariusversea 3/25/2019 - 11:19 am

And keep us up to date with how you’re doing!!! Tell us about the big and small roadblocks, that ***** at the cash register this morning, that cute dog you wanted to adopt so bad but you’re allergic or smth.

Because your feelings are valid hun. And idk if you meant it sarcastically but it is okay to try to live. And you may think that you don’t matter to anyone but know that you’re on my mind now. You’re up here. And I’ll think of you when I go to counselling and talk about how I don’t know who you are but I hope you’re doing well.

And however God may feel, I bet he forgives you. I, for one, don’t hold it against you for having these feelings.

Cause of Death: Suicide 3/25/2019 - 11:49 am

Good point. I am trying to change my name should I continue to live. I think I have not changed it yet because I am still intent on suicide and do not know it is worth the struggle to change my name before committing. I want to change my name because I have been trying to cut ties completely with everyone that has ever known me by this name. I feel the negative connotation is attached more to my name than my person, and if I changed my name I’d feel clean again maybe. I could stay alive if I were unknown…. but honestly I am not proud of my name, I don’t want to be a member of the family so I see changing my name as a good example of moving past toxic negativity… Maybe it may provide less of a burden on the owners of the family name should I have a different last name upon committing. I wouldn’t want to ruin the perfect family alma matta. But I don’t believe in the things they do. I don’t want to take a place in their gameshow, or be a monkey in their circus.

ariusversea 3/26/2019 - 11:41 am

You might as well change it because either way, that change will help relieve you of that pain. Vutting ties with family is so hard, but toxic family members just weigh us down at some point and u having enough self respect to be able to say that you don’t tolerable it is worth major respect.

ravingbean 3/25/2019 - 12:23 pm

I’m glad you’re attempting to live!

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