Hey. I just wanted to say goodbye to everyone that remembers me here. I am quitting this side. I may still come occasionally to read some post or comment but I will try to not post here anymore. And I will try to come here less and less. It gives me momentary relief but I think ranting here about how much of a piece of shit I am only does more harm than good in the long term.
Ye I guess my biggest problem is that I am lazy af. I dont enjoy literally anything that requires even the slightest amount of work… and if I dont enjoy it I just cant force myself to do it…If I could I would only party, take drugs and play video games… I am master procrastinator. I never learn for school and I never enjoy it. I sometimes enjoy some maths or physics but thats only coz it comes natural to me and I dont need to learn it to understand it. (not on super advanced level ofc). And so I feel superior to other people that try hard and still fail at it and that gives me joy coz I like feeling smarter than them. (ye Im a fking asshole)
I wouldnt enjoy trying hard learning it or going to university to study it, but I will try anyways probably.. I really dont know what else to do with this life. I always wanted to be a pro gamer but it is obvious now that I will never achieve that dream so I need to give it up. I just lack the motivation to do something valuable. IDK why am I like this. I just have no responsibility… At least I will try to quit weed (or reduce it) and do smth with myself… I feel better now but I dont know for how long so I need to make something out of it ASAP…
Anyway. I wish everyone here only the best. I wish you find peace and happiness in life or death. Whatever you do just dont let your fear control you. My social anxiety had power over me all the time (still has) but Im slowly trying some things to get out of my comfort zone. I just need to at this point… I always told myself that if I wont be able to change I will kill myself on my 30th birthday. So if I fail I will see you here in 10 years.Killing myself now was never a real option even when sometimes I really fking wanted to coz my sisters are small children and it would fk them up completely. Thats why I wanted to wait till 30 so they at least would be adults…
Anyway, I love you all. And thanks everyone who was so nice to me here. It really helped me get through some shit times. You really are amazing people and I mean it from my heart.
Goodbye.
8 comments
Bye. Hope you find some peace. I remember you.
Goodbye. If it comes natural to you then you should definitely put in some effort and see how much juice you can get out of it. Sounds like you need motivation, mainly. Maybe a change in diet or exercise routine can help you start to be motivated to practice and enjoy your studies more. Um, good luck in your future schooling, I guess that is what it sounds like is in store for you 🙂
Ye also my sleeping routine… Its hard to fix that shit. Anyway its nice to see you talk a bit more positively 🙂 still remember you were the first one to comment on my post 😉 Thanks and bye and I hope you will feel better.
If you are good with mathematics and physics maybe you could help me. My next few semesters are gonna be rough and could use someone to talk to. You up for that?
I just finished high school. So probably not (assuming ur on university). You are probably more advanced.
You and I have had some talks over the years! At the very least, it is always good to try something different. I hope you find some amount of peace somewhere in this world. Wish you the best!
Not quite years yet. I created this acc this summer 🙂 but ye thats still a long time and I remember ya. Good luck to you too.
If leaving SP will be beneficial then you just have to do what’s best for you. Good luck with your life, dear. *Big hug*