My story… (1424 words just a heads up)

Ive been meaning to post this for a while. I probably should have. Oh well. Im probably going to forget a bunch of things but if i do ill just make another post or something i guess. Now where to start. When i was 10 i guess.

It was almost the summertime. Last month of school. A month before my 11th birthday. My mom pregnant with my baby brother days from being born. Life seemed perfect until one day.

We were at home and a truck pulled in the yard. This made me happy because it was my grampys truck and my grampy was (and still is) my whole world. But my mom told me to hide and i didnt understand it (i still dont). It was at this point she also decided it was a good time to tell me about my other grandfather. (Not as attached fo him i didnt see him as much) turns out hes a…. well he went to jail on the worse possible charge. Then we ran out the back door and heard glass smashing. We called the cops. After about an hour we went home. Grampy was gone. Dad had a small cut on his forehead. I searched but i couldnt find the broken glass. Not a thing out of place.

End of may. My little brother was born a few weeks later. Very last day of school. Im on the bus going home. Grampy is at my school. All i knkw is hes a bad person. Im never told why. So i become scared and have my very first anxiety attack the whole drive home. I run down the driveway. Through the front door and scream “GRAMPY IS AT THE SCHOOL” so we leave again. And call the cops. And again hes gone.

Summer passes. School starts. New school. My great grammy passes away. They wouldnt let me me go to the funeral. Said i was too young. I didnt care i loved her. It felt wrong if i didnt go. I didnt get to go.

Fast forward through middle school. The occasional smack that hurt….a lot. Basically had to raise my brother because my parents were too stoned or drunk to do it themselves.

High school. Gr9 suicidal thoughts, skipping classes, smoking cigarettes cuz why not. Gr 10 cutting. Still smoking, not really skipping classes, smoking weed. And the thoughts…well duh. One night it was so bad i actually sewed my sleeves to my side and made myself a straight jacket

I finally asked for help. “Sure sweetie well get you a therapist” 4-5 years later….im still waiting.

Saw the cuts. “Whats that?” My mom askes in a snobby tone. “The cat” “yeah right” and walks away.

Gr9 another baby brother. With a heart problem. They have to go to toronto to fix it. Im home with dad. And my grandmother. The first brother is at his grandfathers (clearly not mine. One im not allowed to see and the other in jail) Im going to school. Dads going to work. And my grandmother is home. Not a day of cooking in my life. Left to cook supper every night until mom comes home. Dad walks away every night. Doesnt even tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it.

(Basically at this point im just telling ranxom things that happened because i dont remember exactly the order it happened. Oh and shes still abusing me physicallg which plays a big role in the end)

She occasionally pisses me off. Did you know hitting cake pans and one of those big pots that are basically a small stew pot off you head really hurts? (Clearly doesnt give a f*ck that would have been a good time to realize something is seriously wrong)

Listening to the radio one morning before school. _____ in jail on a ______ charge (i prefer to not talk about it) i run down the hall. “What is this about?” “Oh we didnt think it would be on the news this soon. Didnt listen to the radio for a bit.

It was nothing for me to be pissed off. Going to school with bloody knuckles from a punching bag. Throwing chairs half the length of the cafiteria. People were scared of me when i was angry. Keeping their distance.

When i was really little she cheated on dad in front of me….ill leave it at that. I felt guilty until i told him about 4 years ago.

Anyway lets get to the ending and if i remember anything else ill make another post or something.

So not quite the ending but important….

We just finish having one of our infamous fights. Or so what i thought was the end. Im sitting at the kitchen table. She comes over (later on claims she tripped) and the next thing i know shes on top of me with her arm across my throat and i cant breath. Im trying to kick her off me but thats not working so i bite her. Now shes bleeding but she let go and i dont care. Dad comes over HOLDS ME DOWN amd she slaps me across the face with what i swear was all her strength. (That bite was the start of a change) we get up i sot bacm at the table crying and trying to teach myself how to breath again and one of them tells me to stop. Like im over reacting.

This time were arguing outside my bedroom. She slaps me across the face. Ive had enough of her sh*t so i slap her back. I know you arent suppose to hit your mother but after 4 years of abuse im sure theres an exception because she never hit me again.

Another heated argument. I leave before it turns into a fight LIKE AN ADULT at age 16. Dad comes home from work finds me on the road “what are you doing?” “Arguement. Ill be home later.” Drives away. I call my boyfriend at the time so we can meet up and hangout for a bit. She comes looking for me yelling at me to come back. I say no. Like wtf would i go back to that. So she sends him after me. I say no then after a while i say fine but we have fo go get my bf. On the way to picking him up he says “you can move out now or if it happens again well kick you out” “well she started it (she did ill tell that after this because i forgot) so i might as well move out now” So we pick him up and he has me sit in the bed of the truck (with a guy that ends up threatening to rape me with his d*ck less the an inch from my face thats in the future though) and my bf in the cab with him. Then he sends the 3 of us off into the woods. Which was fine i know the woods. And my boyfriend is saying “you should stay you should stay” i turn around stare at him and say “do you want to know why im leaving. Because they abuse me” his face dropped he hugged me and then agreed with me. I had to leave. So we go back i pack up and move out. I move in with the guy i was working with because i had, what i thought was no other place turned out my ex that gave a sh*t about me asked if i could stay there but i fucked up before he told me.

So what started that fight…..i had just gotten a job delivering news papers. I wanted anytime away that i could get. And i had to call the guy (who i ended up marrying last december 23rd) at 1am. And they took my phone and refused to give me an alarm so i stayed up all day all night all day. Slept that night then repeat. 3 f*ucking times. So im exhausted clearly humans arent meant to do that. And i just got off work. “Go cut wood” “can i have a nap or invite a friend to help me thats a lot of work” “no” to this day i think she was trying to kill me.

Anyway thats roughly my story i shortened. Leftout parts either because i currently forgot or because im not ready to talk about it. Sorry its so long i wouldnt blame you if you didnt read it. Im not even reading it lol