I remember a line in an old movie concerning the mentality behind suicide “one day a guy gets wise to himself, goes up to the top of the empire state building and jumps off”, the part ” gets wise to himself” has been in my thoughts lately. I’m starting to get wise to the reality of my situation and there is no other choice for me but suicide. It’s been happening in installments, there has been no sudden realisation, just a creeping sense of losing hope. I heard about the suicide of a young woman in New York, her suicide note hit the nail on the head when she described hope as just delayed disappointment, how very true. I can’t lie to myself any longer and delude myself that there is hope. I’ve opened up to a family member and went through my reasons for suicide one by one, perhaps this was an error on my part, anyway they swore to me that there is hope but I just can’t see it, they went further and said my reasons for suicide are ridiculous ( This wasn’t said disparagingly, but said from the perspective of a rational mind to an irrational mind) but remember “normies” see things differently, if I posted a blow by blow account of my reasons for suicide many people on SP would find my reasons perfectly understandable if not familiar.