Tired of trying but still doing it

So here I am, a not truly  foreigner student in a not so foreign country. Germany, the land of my deceased father. I wanna learn every word, gather every single drop of culture that would make me a true German.

But at the same time I am exhausted and I lost appetite  again. I know where this is going : I ‘m already forgetting to eat, in not to long I’ ll lose weight again and go under the critical 100 pounds. From there losing weight will become an objective, an obsession.

But I don’t want to end in a loony bin in Germany so I have to eat until I feel like I am going to throw up, even if it is still not enough, I have to try my ass every day. I hope my appetite will come back soon because I really feel tired and tomorrow is my integration week and I’ll have to find strength to put the “nice, open-minded, talkative  ” mask otherwise I am going to end up alone.